Tag Archives: Body Image and Self Esteem

If I Could Give Advice To My Teenage Self

March 25, 2012 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , 12 Comments

I’m writing this post as part of Teen Week: Words That Heal, an annual blog series where bloggers write about their experiences with body image, sexuality, and self-esteem during adolescence.

As a teenager, I hated everything about how I looked. My acne that wouldn’t go away no matter how many over- the-counter products I lathered on my face. I tried them all. I worked after school at a drug store, so I even got a discount. So I piled on concealer and foundation to cover up my pimples. But I couldn’t hide them.

I spent a lot of time trying to hide. I bought long sweaters, down to my knees, to hide my stomach and baggy jeans to hide my thighs. It took a long time for me to wear clothes my actual size. Most of my wardrobe was black, much to my mother’s chagrin. You look so pretty in red, she’d tell me. As if, I thought. That wasn’t going to happen.

I wanted desperately to fit in. I’d moved from a working class Queens, NY neighborhood to a more affluent Long Island community. My father was a New York City policeman, we couldn’t “keep up” with richer neighboring families.  Kids’ families belonged to yacht clubs and owned boats! This was unheard of to me. I was far from poor, but at the time it sure felt like it to my teenage self.

I was convinced if I wore the “right” clothes and looked the part, people would accept me. I babysat and worked after-school jobs. In the summer, I worked two jobs. I was an honors student. But rather than saving that money for the future, I spent my weekends trolling the mall, shopping for clothes. It was all about designer labels back in the eighties. Reebok sneakers and Jordache jeans.

At the local flea market one Saturday, I found a cheap Benetton sweatshirt. I was so proud of myself for finding this bargain. I thought “Benetton” emblazoned across my chest would buy me legitimacy. I wore it that Monday. A mean girl in one of my classes called it out for being a fake. A knockoff.  I felt like everyone could through me and my efforts.

It wasn’t really about the money or the clothes. I was convinced I was the ugliest girl on the planet. I had straight, flat hair that wouldn’t do anything, no matter how many curling irons I tried or perms. Then I got the Lemon Tree perm that ruined my life. I bleached my brown hair and tweezed my thick eyebrows nearly out of existence. I wanted to transform myself into someone entirely different. But when I looked in the mirror, it was still me looking back.

Looking back, I wasn’t seriously overweight. A little chunky, yes. Awkward, unathletic.  My father was an overweight kid and he didn’t want the same for me growing up. But his way of deterring me didn’t help. He’d comment on the portions of food I took and tell me I was “eating him out of house and home.”  I grew up feeling every forkful of food I ate was being scrutinized. He made pointed comments about my “thunder thighs.”

I was teased and I saw people around me being teased even more. I became quiet, wanting to be as inconspicuous as possible. I was convinced if people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me. When your father tells you in anger, “I have to love you because you are my daughter, but I don’t like you as a person,” you start to believe you are unlovable. We’ve all said things in anger that we regret and don’t mean. Unfortunately words can have a lasting impact.

I became slightly more confident in my junior and senior years of high school. I won some awards for my writing. I became a literary magazine editor. People noticed me. I had worth. While feeling good about myself, deep down I worried that my writing was the only thing good about me. Without my writing, I was nothing.

Boyfriends? Forget about it. I didn’t have my first kiss until 3 weeks into my first year away at college at a frat party. I’ve dated guys who I didn’t even like, or who were no good for me, because I didn’t feel I could do any better. I’ve slept with guys just to feel attractive and wanted.

After college, I moved back home and developed an eating disorder. I cut my calories down to nearly nothing a day, convincing myself the smaller I was the more attractive I was. I couldn’t get off the binging and purging roller coaster. My father put a lock on the freezer door so I wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night and eat his ice cream. I loathed myself for being out of control and unable to stave off the emotional and physical hunger I felt.

Years spent gaining and losing weight. Stepping on and off scales. Hating my body. Hating myself. Continue reading →

Same Girl With New Jeans, Feeling Good

October 24, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , , Leave a comment

This past weekend, I was thinking about my weight loss (up to 95 or so pounds) since the summer of 2010. I went shopping and bought jeans a size or two smaller than the ones I’d been wearing. I also picked up my engagement and wedding rings, which I’d had resized. Both rings had become loose on my finger and I was using ring guards, one of which broke a few weeks ago. So I finally decided to take the plunge, as the jeweler told me I was down two ring sizes. I was nervous because it felt so permanent. And these are my engagement and wedding rings, after all. I made a point of asking her whether my rings would be able to be resized if they got too tight again. She reassured me they could.

My weight loss was also on my mind because I went to the doctor for a physical a couple of weeks ago. He went over the results of my blood test with me line by line. Blood pressure-perfect. No more medication for me. Cholesterol-perfect. Lipos, good fats, bad fats, things he explained to me but I don’t remember what they were, all good. I should be taking Vitamin D. I can do that. I felt like I was receiving a perfect report card.

I can feel the changes. I have more energy. I can walk quickly up stairs without getting winded. I can zip down New York City streets, weaving around people to get to my destination quicker. I fit into train seats and restaurant booths without it being tight. I can sit Indian-style comfortably on the floor.

I write on this blog about body image and loving yourself no matter what size you are. In a way sometimes I’ve worried if my words were consistent with my weight loss efforts and taking joy in my newly found body and health. In part, I felt almost afraid to get excited. What if it doesn’t stick? If I regain weight, I still want to love and accept myself. Because I was worthy of love and acceptance before. For that reason, I felt guilty about feeling a twinge of excitement when looking at the scale, trying on my newly sized rings and new jeans. Looking at myself in the full length fitting room mirror and realizing I look thinner than I pictured myself. Continue reading →

Skinny Girls Have Body Image Issues Too

September 28, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem Tags: , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

I received an interesting letter from a reader I thought was important to address. It was long, so I’ve shortened it slightly for blog-post purposes while capturing its spirit and main points.

[O]ne of the things that affects me when it comes to body positive blogs is that they are almost always centered on larger women being “real” women and shunning women who are very petite.

My body image issues…come from the other side of the spectrum. I’ve always been very small courtesy of genetics. A desire to be bigger and more “womanly” has frequently set the parameters for my sense of physical self-confidence. My self-esteem was affected by a desire to be larger and a loathing of my small body. I’ve spent many hours poking and prodding my body with revulsion… hoping that if I stared at the [mirror’s]  reflection long enough…it would change and look more like a “real woman.”

When I feel bad about my body, I search for positive body image sites. Often, they are about showing off your curves, not believing the “unrealistic skinny ideal.” [I]don’t believe in the ideal, but don’t marginalize people like me and say it’s unrealistic for everyone. After visiting such sites, I’m left feeling worse.

[S]ites like this one have a far more positive approach but ignore the fact that many skinny women suffer negative self-esteem and have body image issues. [A] lot of women feel far more comfortable saying things like, “Oh God you’re so TINY, do you ever eat?” and believing that comments like that aren’t as hurtful as being told you’re larger.

[B]ody positive blogs act as though women like me don’t even exist or have issues…A skinny girl silently suffering who, when she finally calls out for help, is told to shut up because her problems aren’t real and because people like her will never have suffered as much as bigger women. One who is told that she wouldn’t have the problem if she just ate a burger. Well the joke’s on them. In a few months of teenage naivety I tried that fast-food diet. I didn’t gain an ounce, but my body hated it. Funny, isn’t it, that what is unhealthy for larger people is also unhealthy for smaller people?

But something has happened in the last year or so. Do a search now for “real women come in all shapes and sizes…” Places that acknowledge the struggles of and celebrate all women of all sizes…Seeing women my size who have shared my experience makes me realize that I am not alone, or a freak, and that I am certainly a woman. And it also shows me that women larger than me are equally beautiful and valuable.

I was happy this reader took the time to write in because she made me think. I do believe that women in all shapes and sizes suffer from body issues, and that they have the right to be heard. A family member of mine has always been thin, albeit not “too thin,” for which I always envied her.  But over the past year she has been suffering from thyroid problems over the past year and has become very thin. I know she is self-conscious about it, and our family’s frequent words of concern, while spoken out of love, may make her feel worse. Continue reading →

Interview With Plus Size Model Sara Alloy-Part 2

September 22, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Photographer Roberto Ligresti, Makeup Rene Court

I’m back with the smart and beautiful plus size model Sara Alloy, who was nice enough to talk to me about modeling, body image and all sorts of things. Without further ado…..

Let’s talk a bit more about the plus size modeling industry. What advice do you give to aspiring models?

If somebody writes to me, I say I’m not an agent, and it’s completely subjective so it’s hard for to say. I could say “you’re beautiful” and they could go to an agency and get turned down, so my opinion is only worth so much. I ask them how tall they are and what their measurements are and let them know the basic requirements. If they’re 5’9″, that’s a great starting point. Next I say that it’s important how proportionate you are. The taller you are the bigger you can be. So if you’re 5’11” being a size 16 or 18 is more acceptable. If you’re 5’8″ or 5’9″  they want you to be a 12 or a 14. I tell them examples of the type of work I’ve done and expect to do. A lot of them get the wrong idea from shows like America’s Next Top Model as to what you can do.

Where do you tell them the most opportunities are?

Mostly print and web work, some editorials. There are very few runway shows for us these days, which is why Full Figured Fashion Week is so great.

I went to Full Figured Fashion Week and one of the retailers there was talking about how they would use smaller size women and then pin the clothing in the back to make it look like it fits. Have you seen that?

Absolutely. They want to show the clothes as fitting who will be wearing the clothes. Sometimes they can’t get a sample that will fit the model, so they will pin the clothes. I don’t think pinning is as controversial as padding to size up.

Women at Full Figured Fashion Week said that they had done research and plus size consumers don’t want to see plus size models that look like them. Instead they want to see smaller models that give them something to aspire towards. Would you like to comment on that?

I think most women idealize a slightly smaller size, whether or not they admit it. I might be a size 14, but often times I’m shopping where the models are much smaller. Naturally you envision yourself reflecting what you see in the advertising. I’m putting on my advertising hat when I’m speaking like this, but honestly, what they are doing is good marketing. You are ultimately selling people a dream. Even if you are comfortable with who you are, it’s so drilled into our heads that we should be thinner than we are that when you go shopping you automatically look at a mannequin or model and see yourself reflected in whatever advertising you’re looking at.

So do you think that a size 20 wants to see a size 20 or that a size 20 would rather see a size 16 or 18?

They say they want to see a size 20 but honestly every time they try to use a size 20 or other bigger sizes they don’t sell the clothes. If a company books a size 18 model and the clothes aren’t selling, they aren’t going to book the model again. I’d like to see more diverse models used, but the retailers aren’t going to respond to what customers say, they’re going to respond to what their sales say. As consumers we all need to be better about voting with our dollars.

What do you think would change that?

I think the shoot Steven Meisel did for Vogue Italia was very helpful. Rosie Mercado who was the face of Full Figured Fashion Week 2 years ago, she’s larger but she’s so beautiful. She’s tall and carries herself with such confidence that clothes look great on her. They could use someone like her, and have Steven Meisel shoot her and put her in a high fashion spread and show that ideal of beauty.

Do you think the change will come from retailers or designers or consumers improving their body image so they want to see models that look like them or a combination?

I think it’s a combination because on the one hand you have imagery drilled in our heads from the time we are little girls, you’re seeing the actresses on TV from  the time you start watching it, you’re seeing them in magazines, you are being told everywhere that you need to be a certain way. So that is a problem, that girls are being bombarded. We’re conditioned to think that skinny is beautiful.

On top of that designers don’t cut clothes for bigger girls. Agents won’t book bigger girls so it seems as if they feel it’s a waste of time to put bigger girls on their boards. So there are no bigger girls to shoot campaigns should they decide to use bigger girls. It’s a cyclical thing. Continue reading →

Interview With Plus Size Model Sara Alloy-Part 1

September 18, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Photographer and Makeup by Nikki Gomez

I had the pleasure of interviewing plus size model Sara Alloy. She has been modeling for about four years, and is currently signed with IPM Model Management.

How did you get started modeling?

When I was in college (I went to the University of Michigan,) local businesses near campus were advertising for models so I applied in the store and was hired. Then I posted some pictures on a website called Model Mayhem and started networking with models I recognized. They told me that the first thing you do is move to NY. I’m from Ohio but had been to NY many times before to visit. My boyfriend is from this area so it worked out really well.

What kind of modeling do you mainly do? Do you feel like opportunities are expanding?  Is it tight right now because of the economy like everything else is?

I do mostly print, online website stuff, a little catalog. There are a lot more opportunities than there used to be. A lot more brands are taking plus size consumers into account and hiring plus size models to support their new brands. They are expanding their sizes. The Limited just announced that they are launching a whole new plus size division. Stuff like that is happening all the time. There are more opportunities but because of the economy they aren’t hiring as much.

Who have you done work for? I saw your spread in Glamour Magazine.

I just shot a great new campaign for a brand called F3; the designers are a cool couple of girls from Canada. I also did a cover and editorial for Daily Venus Diva Magazine. Glamour Magazine. I did a lookbook for Abby Z, they were one of the first jobs I did in New York, so that was really nice. There are always castings in the works. You’ll be in consideration but you don’t know until last minute. So you might be on hold for ten jobs but only wind up doing one of them.

Is your day job cooperative?

They are really supportive. They think it’s really exciting that I model.  Recently my boss even asked me if I need time off. I have a job where they try to be really supportive of the work/life balance.

Who would you love to work for who you haven’t worked for yet?

My dream client would be to work for Anthropologie, but they only carry up to a size 14/16 so they don’t use plus size models in their spreads. I’d love to do a makeup line. I would love to work for Lane Bryant or Hips and Curves lingerie out in California. I’ve done a lot of smaller local work; it’d be nice to do national brands. I was on hold a national jeans brand at one point, I’d love to get back in front of them and do a campaign.

Where do you shop yourself?

Forever 21. H&M. Department stores. Banana Republic.

What types of plus clothing would you like to see more of?

I think overall designers are getting better, especially in last year or two. You see a lot more trendy stuff. I’d really like to see the high fashion stuff that you see on the runways. I’d love to see them size their clothing up. I could totally wear the clothing if they’d cut it a little differently and take into consideration some of the plus size consumer’s areas of concern. It would be really nice to wear more trendy stuff. I don’t want to wait three seasons to wait for someone to make a knockoff of Roberto Cavalli.

We are talking about plus size models but it would be a good idea to define what that is. What does the industry describe it as and what would you personally define it as?

That’s a good question because there’s a lot of controversy about it. Traditionally the sample size for a plus size model is a size 12/14; nowadays you’ll see a model as small as a size 8. It’s really common to see a straight size model go away for a season and come back as a plus size model and they will only have gained a couple of inches. You usually have to be between 5’8” and 5’9”, have good skin, good teeth, be photogenic and comfortable in front of the camera, and know how to pose. There’s no real difference between a plus size model and a straight size model except that we are a couple of sizes bigger.

What is the higher end size of a plus size model that you’ll see?

Most agencies wouldn’t put a model on the board larger than a size 18, and that might be pushing it. That would be a smaller boutique willing to take a chance. Some modeling agencies won’t go past 16.

Where do you fall in that range, if you feel comfortable saying? I see you and many models with their dimensions posted online.

I’m a 14 and 5’8″.  So fortunately I’m in the middle. You get comfortable talking about your numbers.

Have you ever been asked to gain or lose weight in order to get a job?

I haven’t been told to my face which doesn’t mean it hasn’t been said about me. Clients won’t necessarily tell you that’s the reason you didn’t get the job. I’m in the sample size so that’s pretty safe. You’ll hear about padding to size up.  There will be a size 10 or 12 girl and a client wants a size 14 or 16 so they’ll put padding on. They’ll want her face and look, but want to represent a bigger woman so they’ll just have her put on custom foam padding under her clothes.

I read about padding in Woman’s Wear Daily. Do you have any feelings or thoughts about that?

I think it’s unfortunate that they do that. There are so many beautiful plus size models that you should be able to find a girl with the size that you want with the look that you want, instead of saying “I only want to use so and so because she’s famous and I want her in my brand but she’s not a 16.”

I also read in the WWD article that some plus size models have been told to do things like eat cotton balls dipped in juice or eat a lot of salt to bloat up a bit or look a little bit bigger for shoots.

I haven’t heard of that. That’s really scary. Usually plus size models pride themselves on being healthy and engaging in healthy practices. I don’t know anyone who’s done that and I feel bad for the girls who are doing it if they are. Continue reading →

Interview With Jenny Gardiner (Author of Slim to None)-Part 2

August 24, 2011 By in Books and Media Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

In Part 1 of my interview with Jenny Gardiner, we talked about her novel Slim to None and the body image issues the main character Abbie deals with.

During our conversation, we also spoke more broadly about body image issues. Jenny and I discussed how body image issues affect so many women and how hard it is for us all to deal with them.  As Jenny said herself:

Find me a female in the United States who doesn’t have body image issues. You could be tall, short, thin, fat, average, whatever and you’re not happy with what you have. This is certainly not helped along by our culture that promotes being emaciated, young and perfect. I think it’s even sadder when you see how women feel so paranoid about aging- – it’s hard to find women who aren’t having some sort of procedure done to stave off the process.

I live in a neighborhood with a lot of newly-retired couples and you’ll see these women you might have seen at the gym or at book club looking every one of their 55 years, and then they show up looking like The Joker from Batman with this weird uplifted pull on their mouths and a perpetually surprised look in their eyes because their faces have been pulled back from so much plastic surgery. When I see older actresses on screen looking their age I silently applaud their rejecting the pressures they must feel 100 times worse than your average woman to try to pretend they’re still young.

Cristina: Have you always had body image issues yourself and how have you dealt with them?

Jenny: When I was growing up there was SO much emphasis in my household on how I looked. My father would always warn/threaten me that if I wasn’t careful I was going to look like this aunt who was pretty overweight. It was dangled in front of me all the time (“you have such a pretty face,” the inference was I was going to be a fat ugly cow). And I was a very active, athletic, healthy kid growing up.

But I was always told I was pretty, and there wasn’t all this reinforcing going on about what was inside of me, rather the superficial me. I probably went to the other extreme with my kids and NEVER told them they were pretty or beautiful or handsome, rather emphasized what wonderful people they are. Perhaps I could’ve thrown in more of the “you’re pretty” stuff but I wanted to send the message that how you are in the inside matters far more than what you look like on the outside.

As far as how I’ve dealt with body image issues? God, in some ways that has been a defining thing for me, which is despicable, isn’t it? But one thing I have always known is I am happiest when I am in good physical shape. If I’m exercising daily and feel strong I’m a much happier person. If I’m in a pissy mood, all I need to do is exercise and get those endorphins flowing and I feel much better. This is something I’ve tried to instill in my kids as well.

Cristina: What do you say to your children about body image issues?

Jenny: I’ve actually been really overly conscientious with my kids (we have a boy and two girls) about this stuff. I had a roommate in college who–unbeknownst to me and her other friends–had an eating disorder that she ultimately died from, which was so damned tragic and needless. She was so fun and smart and clever and witty and here she was so obsessed with her body that she actually destroyed it. This was back in the early 80′s. We all knew enough about anorexia back then because of Karen Carpenter dying from it. But no one knew about bulimia which was what Annie had. As far as we knew, she ate just fine. But we didn’t know that she was taking laxatives and likely also throwing up much of what she ate as well. She binge-ate but we actually laughed about it because we had NO idea this was something indicative of a far deeper–and deadly–secret. It wasn’t till she dropped out of school that we found packages of laxatives underneath her bed and started learning the truth.

But because of this I have been downright obsessive in teaching my kids to be happy with their bodies and to practice moderation in their lives. Last time I looked no one ever died from moderation. We’ve worked hard to try to get our kids to eat as healthily as possible (though with three kids with very different eating habits I am convinced much of what people are inclined to want to eat is predetermined and I know you can’t force-feed someone vegetables!).

When my kids were little one of the girls was friends with a girl across the street who was 10 years old and whose mother was OBSESSED with her body. She had a fabulous one and she flaunted it. But she was always going on these cabbage soup diets and fixating on her pencil thin daughter being skinny–so much so that this child would only drink diet sodas and would join her mother on her frequent cabbage soup diets. The girl was emaciated yet was dieting. Ridiculous.

Losing Weight

Jenny and I also talked about body image in general. I told that I wanted to write about Slim to None for my blog because the weight loss and body image topics it deals with are a constant battle and fixation for so many women. Abbie’s story resonated with me and I felt it would with other readers.  We shared our mutual significant weight losses over the past year with each other (60 pounds for Jenny!)

Cristina: What inspired you to lose the weight?

Jenny: I guess it’s sort of ironic that I had hit a bad spot in my life just like Abbie, shortly after Slim to None was released [in 2010]. It seemed that just about everything was imploding in on me last year and on top of that, I’d been super unhappy with my weight for ages. When I turned 40 I was in great shape and felt terrific but then I had a succession of injuries that waylaid me and kept me from going to the gym and I got so fat (I HAVE to work out or I gain weight so easily). So over the course of several years I’d put on so much weight and just felt so trapped that way.

Cristina: How did you go about losing the weight? Continue reading →

Interview With Jenny Gardiner (Author of Slim to None)-Part One

August 22, 2011 By in Books and Media Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 11 Comments

I was lucky enough to have the chance to talk to the smart and articulate author Jenny Gardiner about her great novel Slim to None, as well as to discuss body image issues, including her personal struggles and recent weight loss. You can get a sneak peak at the first chapter of Slim to None here.

Slim to None’s heroine Abbie Jennings is Manhattan’s restaurant critic, until her weight makes it impossible for her to visit the restaurants without being recognized. When she’s “outed” by a picture of herself in the New York Post, her editor puts her on a desk job and gives her six months to lose weight in order to get her job back. Abbie’s put in the unique position of eating for a living, then not eating for a living, in order to continue to eat for a living. She’s forced to deal with her own relationship with food, as a source of both pleasure and a way of dealing with her emotions.

Cristina: So what inspired you to write Slim to None?

Jenny: I wanted to write this novel for the same reason I wrote Sleeping With Ward Cleaver. I love to write about issues about which pretty much everyone has an opinion. I had enough conversations with married friends over the years to know that Ward would resonate with pretty much every woman who’d ever been in a relationship with a man for more than, oh, say, ten minutes. And I knew food issues and body image issues are something with which every woman struggles, no matter how entitled she is to have those issues (like no doubt Jennifer Anniston has these issues and she really ought not, ya know what I mean?!).

Cristina: As a fellow writer one of the things I most admired was how you presented with such grace a funny, engaging and likeable character dealing with so many life issues without making Abbie too whiny, depressed and feeling sorry for herself. How did you accomplish this?

Jenny: Thanks! I just wrote a character I’d like to hang out with. She’s flawed, but who isn’t it? She’s got a big heart, she wouldn’t hurt a fly, and she means well. She’s just lost her way in the woods, and I wanted to help her find her way out.

Cristina: Abbie tries to balance her love of food and the place it has had in her life with her need to be healthy, deal with her emotions, and find other things to replace food in her life.  What has she learned and how has she changed by the end of the novel?

Jenny: Abbie did what a lot of people do: she buried emotions in food for comfort’s sake. It became a habit for her. She really knew no other way. What she needed was this cattle prod to force her to wake up and figure out a better way to exist. She learned that food isn’t her salvation, although it can certainly be a source of pleasure. But she had to find happiness from within, and realized she had taken for granted, such as her relationship with her husband. And she sort of took herself for granted as well. By the end Abbie had found a much healthier balance in her life, to the point that what she thought was most important (her career) ended up not being all that important after all.

Cristina: Do you think Abbie would have lost weight if not for it being a requirement to save her job? Why do you think her job was so important to her?

Jenny: I fear she’d have slogged along just doing what she did. I mean, she lived a kind, understated fine-enough life but she was stagnant. I think her job was important to her because it was something she thought she had total control over. It was something she’d worked so hard to get and she thought it was the answer to her problems. Only it wasn’t. Continue reading →

She Writes.com Blogger Ball!

August 16, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem Tags: , , , , , , , , 18 Comments

Welcome to the SheWrites Blogger Ball!

If you are visiting from the She Writes Blogger Ball, thank for coming.  Great to meet fellow writers.

I started my women’s positive body image blog to share my insights and experiences and develop a community where we women can all reach out and help each other.  I’ve always had body images myself.  Years ago I had an eating disorder, I’ve yo-yo dieted, and over the past year lost 90 pounds through healthy means. I feel it’s time for smart, dynamic women to stop hating our bodies and tearing ourselves down. Our fixations can cripple us and prevent us from leading the fulfilling lives we want and deserve. Continue reading →

Sangria and Nachos: Essential Weight Loss Tools

August 9, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

I went to a sangria tasting last night. Fig sangria? It wasn’t bad. Who knew?  I also split an order of nachos and ate a dinner that included french fries.

Yes, I’m on a diet. It’s been a year now. I’ve lost nearly 90 lbs. And if I didn’t do things like the sangria tasting, dinner with friends, wine & cheese classes, and eat my mother’s Thanksgiving stuffing, I don’t think I would have lost that much. Or even if I had, I don’t think I’d have as good of a chance at keeping it off.

Here’s why. In the past when I went on diets losing similar amounts of weight, I executed them with military precision. There were “good” foods and there were “bad” foods. I feared holidays and social occasions, and did extensive pre-planning, trying to figure out what I could eat that would do the least damage. Eat as little as I could beforehand to conserve calories.

So then it was a toss-up as to whether I’d be “good” or “bad.” I’d either come home proud of my resolve or chasticizing myself for my failure. Sometimes I’d be so hungry at the event from not eating, or simply had cravings for the food before me, that I’d throw caution to the wind. Eat as much as I could, perhaps lubricated with alcohol to loosen up and give myself permission. Afterwards I’d try to make up for it, eating as little as possible, hoping to balance things out.

But you can’t live like that forever. Once I’d lost weight I didn’t have a goal to aspire towards. Just maintenance. Just trying to tread water. The binges and the resentment intensified and became more frequent. I felt myself slipping, and then I just let go. Continue reading →

What If You Lost Half Your Body Weight Only To Be Traded In For Someone Twice Your Size?

August 2, 2011 By in Books and Media, Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

What would you do if after losing half your body weight, your husband left you for a woman twice your size? In Stacey Ballis’ latest novel, Good Enough to Eat, main character Melanie Hoffman finds herself in this position. She gave up her long-hour, fast food-fueled attorney position to take care of her health, study nutrition and cooking, and open up a health food café only to find herself replaced by a larger model.

Melanie is forced to ask herself the question: What does it mean to finally become a “thin person”?  To those struggling with their weight, Melanie’s accomplishment appears to be the Holy Grail. Unfortunately, as I know all too well (and am still learning) through my own weight losses and subsequent gains, getting rid of the weight is just the beginning. Continue reading →

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