Category Archives: Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery

The Best Compliment You Can Give

May 2, 2012 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , , 4 Comments

Pay attention to the types of compliments you hear people give each other during the day. How many of them are based on appearance?  Like “I love your hair” and “Is that a new skirt?” and “You look so skinny!”

The first time I lost weight, I got a lot of compliments. I got them from people I barely knew, barely spoke to. A distant co-worker from another department. The elderly crossing guard I pass by on my daily walk to train every day even pulled me aside. It seemed like everyone was invested in how good I looked. I felt good, walked taller. Felt more confident, more beautiful. At the same time, I felt conspicuous, self-conscious, a little embarrassed. My body felt exposed, on display.

It made me nervous too. My new body was a precarious thing. I didn’t feel like it belonged to me entirely. It didn’t feel real. Then when I gained back the weight back, I wanted to hide. I felt ashamed, like I’d let people down. Like I was a fraud, a failure.

The second time I lost the weight, I wanted to do it in secret. I wore baggy clothes in bigger sizes for as long as I could. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the compliments. I wasn’t sure if I could do it, and I didn’t want my “failure” to be one for public consumption. Then I became emboldened and embraced it. The rush of compliments came. But people got used to my weight loss and the compliments stopped. I had some personal problems, I didn’t feel good about myself. I did a lot of emotional eating. I went out drinking a lot. The weight came back.

Now I’m trying to find a place that’s realistic. I’m focused on my health. I had knee problems and I had trouble walking. I wrote about it here. I care about how look, but more about how I feel. I’m 40 now. The last time I lost the weight I was doing it for appearances sake, to meet a guy. I was 30. Now I have a great husband who loves me regardless of my size. That helps a lot.

I’m working myself from the inside out. I’m trying to feel good about myself in ways that have nothing to do with my weight. I’m trying to make myself believe that no matter where I wind up this time, body-wise, that I like myself for reasons that having nothing to do with my reflection in the mirror. Continue reading →

Interview With Comedian Mary Dimino: Creator of Scared Skinny-One Woman Show

February 12, 2012 By in Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , 3 Comments

When I met comedian Mary Dimino at her show Scared Skinny: A One (Hundred Pound Lighter) Woman Show, I became an immediate fan and knew I wanted to talk to her more. I absolutely love this woman. She is warm, sincere and funny as hell. Her comedy reflects all that—and has an important message about self esteem and health as well.

Mary is the winner of the 2010 MAC Award for Outstanding Female Comedian, the 2010 New York International Fringe Festival Overall Excellence Award for Outstanding Solo Show, and the 2008 Gracie Allen Award presented by the American Women in Radio and Television for her PBS Documentary Fat (which I also enjoyed). She’s performed nationwide, and on such places as Comedy Central, VH-1, HBO’s Chris Rock Show, NBC’s Today Show, David Letterman, and Conan O’Brien.

Scared Skinny, with equal parts humor and poignancy, is about growing up  “fat, funny and afraid in an Italian family from Queens.” During the show, she deftly plays the roles of 14 (!) different characters in her life, including her mother, her grandmother and her 8 year old self. As a child she asks an Ouija Board if she’ll ever be skinny. We learn about her body image, trials and tribulations, and the bullying she endures. As a 26 year old virgin, she hears two Brooklyn “guidos” making fun of how obese she is. At that point, she decides she’s tired of being the target of jokes and humiliation. She springs into action and loses over 100 pounds. Continue reading →

Interview With Golda Poretsky, Founder of Body Love Wellness

January 31, 2012 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

I had the pleasure today of interviewing Golda Poretsky, holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, which provides individual and group counseling from a Health at Every Size (HAES) perspective. We met last year at Full Figured Fashion Week and hit it off, and ever since then I’ve meant to learn more about her work. When I read about her upcoming 2nd Annual Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit starting tonight and running through the end of February, I finally got it together and reached out to her.

Golda was put on her first diet at age 4 so that kids would stop picking on her. At 11, she was on a calorie-restricted diet requiring her to drink a lot of weird shakes. Sick of dieting and struggling with her weight her whole life, Golda pursued her degree to become a holistic health coach after practicing law for 6 years. After helping herself coming to terms with her body, she turned her efforts to helping others.

Intuitive Eating

Central to Golda’s counseling is the concept of “intuitive eating.” She explained to me that intuitive eating is listening to your body’s needs, hunger and fullness signals. Golda says it’s important to trust your body, and hear hunger pangs rather than being wed to calorie counts. The goal is to reconnect with your body and emotionally heal. She says it’s important to distinguish between physical and emotional hunger. By figuring out what you really need emotionally, you can take steps to have these needs met in a more effective way. When eating, you should do it mindfully and savor your food, whether it be greens or a piece of cake. Unlike some experts such as Geneen Roth and Mark David, she doesn’t think intuitive eating necessarily leads to weight loss. But she does think it’s imperative to coming to terms with your body. Continue reading →

Same Girl With New Jeans, Feeling Good

October 24, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , , Leave a comment

This past weekend, I was thinking about my weight loss (up to 95 or so pounds) since the summer of 2010. I went shopping and bought jeans a size or two smaller than the ones I’d been wearing. I also picked up my engagement and wedding rings, which I’d had resized. Both rings had become loose on my finger and I was using ring guards, one of which broke a few weeks ago. So I finally decided to take the plunge, as the jeweler told me I was down two ring sizes. I was nervous because it felt so permanent. And these are my engagement and wedding rings, after all. I made a point of asking her whether my rings would be able to be resized if they got too tight again. She reassured me they could.

My weight loss was also on my mind because I went to the doctor for a physical a couple of weeks ago. He went over the results of my blood test with me line by line. Blood pressure-perfect. No more medication for me. Cholesterol-perfect. Lipos, good fats, bad fats, things he explained to me but I don’t remember what they were, all good. I should be taking Vitamin D. I can do that. I felt like I was receiving a perfect report card.

I can feel the changes. I have more energy. I can walk quickly up stairs without getting winded. I can zip down New York City streets, weaving around people to get to my destination quicker. I fit into train seats and restaurant booths without it being tight. I can sit Indian-style comfortably on the floor.

I write on this blog about body image and loving yourself no matter what size you are. In a way sometimes I’ve worried if my words were consistent with my weight loss efforts and taking joy in my newly found body and health. In part, I felt almost afraid to get excited. What if it doesn’t stick? If I regain weight, I still want to love and accept myself. Because I was worthy of love and acceptance before. For that reason, I felt guilty about feeling a twinge of excitement when looking at the scale, trying on my newly sized rings and new jeans. Looking at myself in the full length fitting room mirror and realizing I look thinner than I pictured myself. Continue reading →

Sangria and Nachos: Essential Weight Loss Tools

August 9, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

I went to a sangria tasting last night. Fig sangria? It wasn’t bad. Who knew?  I also split an order of nachos and ate a dinner that included french fries.

Yes, I’m on a diet. It’s been a year now. I’ve lost nearly 90 lbs. And if I didn’t do things like the sangria tasting, dinner with friends, wine & cheese classes, and eat my mother’s Thanksgiving stuffing, I don’t think I would have lost that much. Or even if I had, I don’t think I’d have as good of a chance at keeping it off.

Here’s why. In the past when I went on diets losing similar amounts of weight, I executed them with military precision. There were “good” foods and there were “bad” foods. I feared holidays and social occasions, and did extensive pre-planning, trying to figure out what I could eat that would do the least damage. Eat as little as I could beforehand to conserve calories.

So then it was a toss-up as to whether I’d be “good” or “bad.” I’d either come home proud of my resolve or chasticizing myself for my failure. Sometimes I’d be so hungry at the event from not eating, or simply had cravings for the food before me, that I’d throw caution to the wind. Eat as much as I could, perhaps lubricated with alcohol to loosen up and give myself permission. Afterwards I’d try to make up for it, eating as little as possible, hoping to balance things out.

But you can’t live like that forever. Once I’d lost weight I didn’t have a goal to aspire towards. Just maintenance. Just trying to tread water. The binges and the resentment intensified and became more frequent. I felt myself slipping, and then I just let go. Continue reading →

Walking: Why I Decided to Lose Weight

July 6, 2011 By in Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery, Body Image and Self Esteem Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 7 Comments

I’ve always been a fast walker. Stereotypical New Yorker, striding straight ahead, looking straight ahead, weaving and passing people. Slow down, my mom and my friend Betsy would both tell me.

Until my knee started to give out on me. Every couple of months, it would begin to hurt. Then it would lock and buckle. I’d jerk and feel like I was going to fall. Then I’d try to keep my knee stiff and keep walking, hoping it wouldn’t happen again.

I tried to ignore it. It was only once in a while, I reasoned. Then I slipped in the bathroom at work, twisted my leg and fell. After that, my knee problem turned into a constant problem. More days than not, my knee buckled or at least hurt.

Going anywhere became a problem. I’d have to look for a chair to sit and take a break when shopping. I started taking cabs. I stopped wanting to go anywhere.

I walked to and from the train station every day to get to work. I’d walk slowly and I could feel the other commuters walking on the sidewalk behind me, getting closer, and I’d try to quicken my pace. And then they’d pass me.

I dreaded stairs. I took a writing class in a classroom on the third floor of a building. No elevator. The first class, I walked up with a classmate, and was so out of breath I could barely speak to my instructor and classmates.  I was mortified. After that, I was sure to get there early, to take things at my own pace. That way, no one would catch me stopping between flights, reaching for my inhaler.

One day I got fed up. Took the day off from work and went to a medical clinic.  They did an x-ray but didn’t find anything. They referred me to their practice’s orthopedist.

The orthopedist took a look at my x-ray. He told me I had a loss of cartilage in my knee. Bone spurs. Osteoarthritis. He told me he would have thought the x-ray was that of a fifty-something year old woman, who would eventually need knee replacement surgery. I asked him what could be done about it. He told me nothing would fix it, but that losing weight would relieve the symptoms.

I went out to the parking lot, sat in my car and cried. I had waited too long to lose weight. I had ruined my knee and it couldn’t be fixed. My mother had more minor knee problems in her thirties but didn’t need knee surgery until she was over 60. Continue reading →

Weight Loss Surgery for Fourteen Year Olds?

June 12, 2011 By in Speak Out Against This!, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

I was horrified at the articles I read today in the Sacramento Bee, ABC News, and the Los Angeles Times that the Irvine, California company Allergen Inc. is seeking approval from the Food and Drug Administration  for Lap-Band surgeries for adolescents as young as 14. They’re currently conducting trials on teenagers. The surgery is already being performed on minors whose parents give consent.

When I was 14, I was babysitting, starting to wear makeup, and getting braces. I certainly wasn’t considering letting a doctor put a foreign object in my body to change the size of my stomach.

While the lap band may help teens lose weight short-term, there haven’t been studies about the long term risks and benefits, particularly as teens’ bodies have not fully matured.  This foreign object would be in their bodies for much longer than grown adults and there is a risk of corrosion.

The surgery is reversible but that doesn’t negate the toll this surgery and possible subsequent surgeries could have on these minors’ bodies’ long term. Many risks are involved with this surgery. Allergan cautions:

“[T]he LAP-BAND® System is major surgery and, as with any surgery, death can occur. Possible complications include the risks associated with the medications and methods used during surgery, the risks associated with any surgical procedure and the patient’s ability to tolerate a foreign object implanted in the body. Band slippage, erosion and deflation, reflux, obstruction of the stomach, dilation of the esophagus, infection or nausea and vomiting may occur. Reoperation may be required. Rapid weight loss may result in complications that may require additional surgery. Deflation of the band may alleviate excessively rapid weight loss or esophageal dilation.”

Pretty complicated stuff. Will a teenager understand the long and short term risks of undergoing Lap-band surgery?  There is so much pressure in this society to lose weight. Teenage girls are still developing in mind and body, and learning who they are. They are exposed to peer pressure and often bullying. They may just want the “quick fix” and to fit in with their peers, at a vulnerable time when they are starting to date and come into their own.  It is also questionable whether this surgery is a “last resort” or if there are other options to be explored, such as a healthy diet and exercise. I know when I considered weight loss surgery [link to other posts] as a grown woman, I didn’t feel as though I received the guidance I needed, and I did extensive research on my own.

Dr. Ren-Fielding, associate professor of a surgery at NYU Langone Medical Center justifies lap-band surgery for teenagers by saying that:

“Lap-Band surgeries help promote healthy lifestyles because they initially take away appetite and improve a sense of fullness with smaller portions of food-resulting in weight loss….Once a teenager begins losing, they may become more comfortable in participating in exercise and daily activities.  They are both more physically able to do it, and less socially inhibited to try.”

If teenagers haven’t felt comfortable exercising with their more athletic counterparts, why not provide an outlet in which they can exercise without feeling self-conscious? I remember with residual embarrassment gym class and hiding out so as not to incur the laughs of my classmates. Enabling teens to be able to exercise without judgment is a much healthier and self-empowering approach than making them feel like they need surgery.

Personally, I am disgusted at Allergan’s (as well as bariatric surgeons’)attempts to make a quick buck off teenagers’ obesity. I worry about their long term physical and emotional health. What does it say about our society that we are willing to put our teens through such an invasive procedure in order to become thin?  What effect will this surgery have on teenage patients long-term, particularly if they don’t lose as much as they hoped or gain it back (which often happens even with adults)?

We should be promoting these teens’ self-esteem and acceptance of their bodies, and facilitating long-term healthy lifestyles, rather than making them feel they need surgery to “fix themselves.”

The Weight Loss Food Chain

June 12, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Friends, Family and Romance, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

I attended Weight Watchers meetings weekly for at least a year and a half when I was around twenty-nine. I had a positive experience with Weight Watchers and was very successful (at least temporarily). I was a card-carrying Lifetime Member, meaning I‘d met my goal weight and didn’t have to pay for future missed meetings as long as I weighed in monthly and stayed with two pounds of my goal weight. Weight Watchers recommends attending meetings for life to keep you honest. As I gained weight, I tried to return to meetings, but life and competing priorities got in the way.

What strikes me thinking back is the different “types”of women at the meetings. They came in all shapes and sizes and at various stages of their weight loss journeys.    

Newbie: The Newbie wanders in, not quite sure where to go and if she wants to be there.  She examines boxes of bars and shakes, cookbooks, pedometers and food scales—paraphernalia to ensure her weight loss success.  She fills her arms with one of everything.

A lady behind a table tells the Newbie to step on a scale, and hands her a white card with the date and her weight etched in ink. The Newbie gulps at what her weight should be based on the BMI chart (the Bible-equivalent in the weight loss world). She takes her seat and looks around, trying to measure the likelihood of success based on the appearances of the other members around her.

Some of the group members murmur encouraging words to the Newbie, while others take bets on how long she’ll last.

Gung-Ho Overachiever: The Gung-Ho Overachiever is on a mission. She sits in the front row, laughing, nodding and hanging onto the meeting leader’s every word. She’s tried every new low-calorie, low-fat recipe out there and has the food manufacturers on speed dial, ready to report any new diet food in development and the date it’ll hit the shelf.

When the meeting leader asks who lost weight that week, the Gung-Ho Overachiever’s hand shoots up in pride. She gets applause from the group and racks up gold stars, bookmarks, and other tokens for hitting the five pound weight loss mark, ten-pound weight loss mark and so on.

The Gung-Ho Overachiever has a secret sense of superiority towards those around her who haven’t accomplished as much as she has. She cringes a little hearing about those who have backslided, cheated, gained.  She wouldn’t, couldn’t be that person.

Some less-accomplished group members have the urge to smack her and force feed her a box of doughnuts.

Skinny Girl: The Skinny Girl’s life would be perfect if she could just lose fifteen pounds. Or ten. Or five. Some of the other women might be satisfied with less, she thinks. They might not even look so bad. But that just won’t do for her.

Many group members think Skinny Girl looks just fine the way she is. She doesn’t need to come to the meetings, nor does she belong. They think Skinny Girl should stop whining and jog on out of the meeting.

Lifetime Member: The Lifetime Member has seen it all and done it all. She’s lost, gained and plateau-ed. She nods at members’ tales of their struggles. Talk to me when you’ve been at this as long as I have, she thinks. I’ve got seniority over all of you. The Lifetime Member may have slipped and is looking to get back on track, or she may be at her goal weight and is trying to hang on, hands clenching onto the meetings for dear life.

I’m not going to have to struggle like that forever, other members of the group think. I hope I don’t have to struggle like that forever.

Underachiever: The Underachiever wants to be inspired by the success stories around her. But really, she’s a little bit sick of the people around her. If you’ve reached your goal, go home. All the clapping and cheerleading is starting to hurt her ears.

I did everything right, she thinks. What do they have that I don’t? I’m wearing lighter clothes next week for the weigh-in. And I’m definitely not eating before the meeting.

The Danger of Stereotypes

All of these stereotypes are just that, of course. None of us can be put into boxes, and we don’t know what is in other women’s’ heads.

But there’s a common thread that ties the stereotypes together, as well as women who struggle with their weight and/or body image issues in the “outside world”:

  • Jealousy-Assumptions that it’s easier for other women to be thinner than you.
  • Envy-Assumptions that women thinner than you couldn’t, or shouldn’t, worry about how they look.
  • Fear-Fear that you won’t be able to lose the weight, or be able to keep it off. Fear that you don’t have the discipline and willpower that other women seem to have.

Losing weight and maintaining weight loss can be tough. And we are all so tough on ourselves. We don’t always see our bodies the way other people do. Self-loathing and judgment of other women accomplish nothing but to tear all of us down.

Support others and respect where they are at. Go easier on them. And yourself.

Yo-Yo Dieting and Cleaning House

June 11, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes, Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery Tags: , , 1 Comment

During my long history of watching the numbers on my scale rise and fall, I’ve amassed a lot of clothes.  I cringe at the amount of money I’ve spent developing multiple wardrobes in numbers spanning up and down the size charts.  By keeping the clothes that are too big, I feel like I’m doing damage control if I regain the weight.  By getting rid of smaller sizes, I feel like I’ve given up hope, however unrealistic.

This past weekend, I revisited the task of cleaning and purging my closet.  Having recently lost a lot of weight, I’m now pulling out clothes from my past that are like long-lost friends.  The clothes bring back memories too, of where I bought them, where I wore them, and what happened while I wearing them.  And some dubious fashion trends that were best left in the past.

Granted, some donations to Goodwill were no-brainers.  These were the “mistakes,” the clothes that were purchased, regretted, and pushed into the back of drawers never to see the light of day.  Then there were the stained and ripped pieces, the sweaters with pulls in them, and the pants with broken zippers and fallen hems.  Those too, were easily discarded.

But after the first round of cuts, I found my stress level rising.  My hoarder-like tendencies kicked in as I looked at that cute dress that I got on sale that I vowed I would wear “as soon as I lost five (or ten) pounds.”  I felt the stare of the price tag still on it mocking my failure.  The dress nearly fit when I was eating next to nothing and felt tired all the time. Did I really want to go back to that place?

Next, there were the “fat clothes.”  The security blanket of clothes that ensured no matter how far I let myself slide, I’d never be at risk of having to go to work in my bathrobe.  Was holding onto these clothes protecting and being kind to myself, or setting me up for failure?

I’ve come up with my own set of rules, the success of which is yet to be determined.  As I go down a size, I get rid of everything but the size I just outgrew.  Maybe I keep a couple of larger, unique items that I can’t remove from my clenched fist.  As for the smaller sizes, I’ve gotten rid of the completely unattainable, and will revisit the issue when I get to my goal, and decide what a reasonable size range is for me.

What do you do with your clothes when you lose or gain weight?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 238 other followers

%d bloggers like this: