Category Archives: Friends, Family and Romance

The Designated Ugly Fat Friend (“DUFF”)

October 14, 2012 By in Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , 1 Comment

If we all couldn’t always have as much fun as these 2 girls every time we went out. Heh.

Back when I was single and going out to the bars, a friend of mine complained to me she felt like she was her roommate’s “duff.”  I’d never heard of the expression. According to the Urban Dictionary, a duff is an ugly friend that women hang out with to make themselves look better by comparison. Men, in turn, see a duff as the ugly gatekeeper (a c*ck blocker, to be more crass), that gets in the way of them hitting on a hotter friend. Supposedly men will sometimes have a “wingman” friend actually distract and hit on the Duff so that another guy in their group can hit on the more attractive woman without interruption.

Strangely, some say when it comes to men, having a more attractive friend seems to sometimes help, rather than hurt them rather than women. With men, there seems to be the attitude that hanging out with good-looking guys somehow makes them more attractive and desirable. And that if they are lucky, they might get their friends’ discards (assuming they are attractive enough, of course). Double standards, ugh.

Is it possible for women with different “degrees” of conventional attractiveness to be friends? These are all generalizations and theories and subjective of course. It definitely makes me thankful I’m not out there trying to meet someone anymore.  Do I think it’s true? I’m going to give the noncommittal answer, sometimes. Continue reading →

Dumped For Being a Weight Loss Failure

July 16, 2012 By in Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

Back in my single days, the pool of men willing to date me seemed to grow larger as I became smaller. Having gained and lost weight a number of times, I can speak with a certain degree of authority. I don’t want to over-generalize or stereotype men, some who prefer curvy woman, large women, while others  are more equal-opportunity daters. But I definitely found that when I was thinner, men responded to me more favorably.

You only need one, though, right? I tried to remain positive and didn’t give up. I did a lot of (far too much) online dating. Ultimately, I did meet my husband on Match.com, so there’s that. Before that though, I have some ugly stories, so I’m probably not volunteering myself to appear in any of their commercials any time. I tried a bunch of (too many) sites though, so I’m not singling Match out.

On these dating websites, men (and women) created “profiles,” checking off boxes like a shopping list, of the qualities they wanted and didn’t want in their mates. And so I had “answers” to the unspoken question always on my mind when meeting me in the “real world.” When reviewing a man’s profiles, my eyes immediately zoned in on what size woman he’d chosen. Would he date a curvy girl? How about a “few extra pounds”? Was he even (miracle of miracles!) open to a “full-figured” woman?

I reached out to those guys who seemed like they’d give me a shot. Often, I felt the men themselves weren’t a good match, but since they were being “open-minded” I tried to be too. When I didn’t hear back from some of them, I’d think liar! You aren’t really open to larger women. Forgetting that there are million other things that go into it. Maybe they met someone. Maybe they weren’t looking. Maybe there was something else in our profiles that didn’t gel for him. That was especially likely when my gut told me I was “compromising” and we weren’t really compatible.

Then I’d hear from guys who didn’t pick my body size in their profiles. Were they too ashamed to publicly own up to their predilections? Were they so bowled over my amazing profile that they changed their mind?

Needless to say, I made myself a bit crazy. I had issues. I mentally assessed my attractiveness on a continuum, based on where I was in my ever-changing weight loss and weight gain.

One time when I was still “reasonably” sized, (“curvy” or a “few extra pounds” at most, but by no means “full-figured”—horrors), I met a guy we’ll call Mike. Not because I’m trying to hide his identity, but because I’ve actually forgotten his name. So he didn’t scar me for life.

Mike had seen my pics and nevertheless seemed interested. He was decent-looking—muscular, a bit on the short side, starting to lose his hair. Kind of rough around the edges.

We went out and had a decent time. If he seemed slightly dim, he also seemed nice, and best of all, into me.

After several dates, Mike confessed with a mix of shy embarrassment and pride that he’d recently lost a lot of weight—over a hundred pounds.

We’d both lost weight! We both had the same issues! It was love, we were soul mates. I wanted closeness and intimacy too soon. I took his revelation as an opportunity to open up, perhaps overshare.

“Oh, I know, it’s so hard,” I told him. “I lost a lot of weight too. Twice, in fact.” Mike looked quizzical. I didn’t know when to shut up. I pressed onward. “You know, it’s so hard. It’s a process. You lose, you gain. It’s the maintenance part that’s tough.”

Mike’s face hardened. “I worked my ass off to lose the weight. I’m disciplined. There’s no way I’m gaining it back.”

“Oh sure, sure,” I jumped in, trying not to sound like I knew better. I swallowed the small, defeated, negative voice in me that wanted to pipe up and say yeah right, I used to say that too.

After that night, I worried I’d said too much. Last thing he needed was me telling him his weight loss was going to be all for naught. Nice going being supportive, I berated myself. I figured I wouldn’t hear from him again. Continue reading →

Are You “Confident Enough” To Promote Positive Body Image?

May 30, 2012 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

I did a guest blog post for Girlfriendology last week about the ways we can help our friends improve their body image. Because friends don’t let friends hate their bodies! You can check out the article here. There’s lots of good ideas there. Go forth and read it and come back. I’ll wait.

One question that arose out of the article was “how can I help my friend if I’m not loving my body myself?” And “who am I to promote positive body image when my own self-esteem isn’t where I’d like it to be?”

These questions make sense. We all look for inspiration. Someone stronger and more secure than us that we can look up and aspire towards. Role models. Leaders.

I’ve wondered about this myself. Because while I’ve been complimented on the “work” I do to promote positive body image, I’m not entirely secure myself. I have times when I’m strong and confident and feel like I can kick the world’s collective ass. Figuratively speaking. Bring it on, I think to myself. Then again, on occasion I look in the mirror and am unable to stop myself from cringing.  Am I a fraud? I think to myself. Am I a hypocrite?

I don’t think so. Because I keep working hard and pushing my way through the bouts of insecurity and faltering self-love. All we can all do is try our best. Be honest and not give up. Try to say and do something that will mean something to ourselves and the people around us.

When you think about it, what’s the alternative? Wait until we feel like we have it completely together? Put off speaking out and working towards a good cause?  How do we know when we are “confident enough”?

To me, waiting until we feel like we have our brains perfectly straight is eerily analogous to waiting to accept ourselves until we lose those last ten pounds, or get into those pair of jeans we have tucked away. It’s not realizing our worth NOW.

You can make a difference to someone else’s self-esteem. You can speak out against negative messages hampering women’s positive body image. You have a voice. Use it. Don’t wait until you feel you’ve “earned” the right to speak. You have something to say. Demand to be heard.

There are so people that are just awesome, that make me want to be more . At the same time, their greatness doesn’t make me worth less. When you see someone you admire, try to learn from them. But at the same time, try to find in the leader in yourself.

Empowering yourself will not only help those around you, but will help you to appreciate yourself. Be there for your girlfriends. Be there for yourself. You’re “enough” already.

Just Say No To “Skinny Minny” Speed Dating

May 13, 2012 By in Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

So apparently Skinny Minny Speed Dating is a “thing” now. You can check out the dating site here. Here’s how they describe this novel way to meet your soul-mate:

We all have relationship ‘deal-breakers’, and that does not make us shallow, we’re just single New Yorkers that know what we want and are attracted to. Obviously there is more to it than just height or size, but for many of us that initial “attraction” factor is at least a starting point.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average clothing size for adult women in the United States is a 14, making our upcoming ”Skinny Minny” night for svelte women size 0-8 anything but average. Guys, no need to worry about meeting a biggie-size chick “down-sizing” to an 8 like when you’re dating on-line. We’ll be checking labels at the door!

Not only do they check clothing labels at the door, but women have to wear their clothing size on their lapel all night. When OnSpeedingDating.com was contacted for comment, they explained they’re equal-opportunity shallow:

Co-founder, Amber Soletti, told MailOnline about the strict door policy for the ‘Skinny Minny’ event: ‘If [we get] any flack from women we explain that “fair is fair” and that our “Size Matters” Speed Dating event for women who want to date men 6’1″+ that we measure the men and confirm they are all tall enough to participate as well.’

Well, knowing they treat men like objects too makes me feel so much better. Maybe penis size will be next. Oh wait, they are planning an event for “hung” gay men, who are 7 inches +. I’m not sure how they are making sure the men are accurately representing themselves. Let’s take a moment to reflect on that one…. Continue reading →

The “Curse” of Believing You’re Nothing But a Beautiful Woman: Who Is Samantha Brick?

April 7, 2012 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Books and Media, Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Being beautiful is a hard cross to bear, says Samantha Brick. Brick wrote an article for The Daily Mail this past week lamenting the hardships she’s been forced to endure as a freakishly beautiful woman. The response has been a media onslaught of negative attention, with an unprecedented number of web hits and readers’ comments. So why are people hating Brick so much?

Brick’s Initial Article

The gist of Brick’s article is that her great beauty has led her to lead a simultaneously charmed and tortured life. On the one hand, all men want her, she suggests. Everywhere she goes, strange men pay for her taxis and trains, send her bottles of bubbly or present her with bouquets of flowers.

The rub, Brick claims, is that women hate her guts because of her looks. Other women are jealous and view her as a threat, dropping her as a friend and not letting her anywhere near their husbands. She provides a litany of examples from her life, from insecure female bosses who barred her from promotions, to friends who won’t let her near their husbands, to friends who won’t ask her to be a bridesmaid in their weddings.  Accompanying the approximately 1200 word article are seven photos of Brick. Check out a few more:

Readers were outraged. They hated Brick for being so arrogant and full of herself, and suggested her personality was the real reason women didn’t want to be around her. Women denied and were offended at the notion that women as a whole hate other women for being beautiful.

They also scrutinized the pictures of Brick and said. “Her? Really. She’s not all that.” The general consensus has been that she isn’t attractive enough to have had the experiences she’s claimed and that she’s not entitled to the self-important attitude she has. So people started trashing her looks, ripping her to shreds.

Jezebel.com suggests that Brick was set up by the Daily Mail to be a troll. By posting all of those pictures, the Daily Mail threw Brick to the vultures to tear apart her looks. Basically, they set Brick up to be called ugly. And those “jealous bitches”  (as Jezebel puts it) provide fodder for Brick’s argument and sidestep the real issue. Because there are different types of beauty. And whether or not you consider Brick to be attractive is not the point. She has every right to love herself and her appearance. She doesn’t have the right to make assumptions about what other people are thinking and assuming all other women hate her because of her appearance. Jezebel.com is right. This article brought out the worst in people.

Brick Lashes Back At Her Haters

Brick agreed that the negative public sentiment proved her theory. In a second article, she declared that:

While I’ve been shocked and hurt by the global condemnation, I have just this to say: my detractors have simply proven my point. Their anger underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman.

Our society encourages women to be humble, to eschew the idea that we might be beautiful and worthy of admiration just the way we are. I hate that. We need to be confident in and celebrate our appearances. Then again, there is a difference between confidence and cockiness. Arrogance and airs of superiority are obnoxious in both men and women. I say, love the shit out of yourself and your looks. But I draw the line when you start hating on other women. Or when you become obsessed with your appearance above all else.

The problem with Brick is, she thinks everything in life is attributable to how beautiful she believes people think she is. She subscribes to the notion that beauty trumps all of our other attributes and is at the forefront of our every thought and motivation. This diminishes women, which I have a huge problem with. And for all she talks of “sisterhood” and lamenting that women don’t support each other, by assuming we all think like her, she’s selling us all short. We’re not all that small-minded.

Brick Goes On British TV

Brick went on to make television appearances both in the U.K. and the U.S. Yesterday, she went on a British morning talk show which you can watch here. For the most part, she stuck to her story and was unapologetic. Watchers got a sense of just why people might really be eschewing her as she was slightly overbearing, and continuously cut off the psychologist guest and show’s hosts. She backpedaled a bit and admitted that the events she spoke of were stretched out over a long period of time. When asked if the treatment she described (both positive and negative) was perhaps not as pervasive as she originally made it out to be, she admitted that there were “shades of grey.”

When the host asked her if she thought she was beautiful, she wavered and said she believed in peoples’ “perception of her.” Meaning she believed people thought this of her, so she attributed it to herself. This hits home how invested Brick is in what other people think of her and how her esteem is attached to their opinions. She did rally later on to say that she believed herself to be beautiful and that in a room of ten men, all of them would find her attractive. Both the female psychologist and the female host firmly but respectfully told her that it’s not that she thinks she’s attractive that they had a problem with, but her assumption about them as women that they wouldn’t like her. When the psychologist suggested that maybe she was giving off an air of superiority that perpetually alienated her from other women, Brick summarily rejected that notion. The segment concluded with Brick reiterating she was happy she’d written the article and that her point had been proven.

Brick’s Appearance on the Today Show

Next, Brick appeared on the Today Show today and was interviewed by Ann Curry. Brick was slightly more subdued and Curry went on the offensive immediately. She asked Brick incredulously if she was serious. Curry said she assumed when she read the article that Brick was tongue in cheek but when she used “I” 60 times in the short piece, she thought that Brick was narcissistic. Brick, who previously claimed that women eschew her, now said she had a wonderful group of girlfriends and is a girl’s girls. This directly contrasts her idea that the “sisterhood” is judging her harshly and snubbing her. Not much was accomplished in this interview but to watch Curry try to make Brick look stupid and cower. I wasn’t impressed. At least with the British interview, there was a genuine attempt to understand Brick.

So who is Samantha Brick, Really?

According to her website and articles she’s written, Brick is a journalist with 20 years of television production experience. Currently, she’s a housewife in a small rural French village.

Her other articles on The Daily Mail are telling. It surprises me that her particularly brand of anti-feminist, backward way of thinking hasn’t gotten more attention before. Continue reading →

If I Could Give Advice To My Teenage Self

March 25, 2012 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , 12 Comments

I’m writing this post as part of Teen Week: Words That Heal, an annual blog series where bloggers write about their experiences with body image, sexuality, and self-esteem during adolescence.

As a teenager, I hated everything about how I looked. My acne that wouldn’t go away no matter how many over- the-counter products I lathered on my face. I tried them all. I worked after school at a drug store, so I even got a discount. So I piled on concealer and foundation to cover up my pimples. But I couldn’t hide them.

I spent a lot of time trying to hide. I bought long sweaters, down to my knees, to hide my stomach and baggy jeans to hide my thighs. It took a long time for me to wear clothes my actual size. Most of my wardrobe was black, much to my mother’s chagrin. You look so pretty in red, she’d tell me. As if, I thought. That wasn’t going to happen.

I wanted desperately to fit in. I’d moved from a working class Queens, NY neighborhood to a more affluent Long Island community. My father was a New York City policeman, we couldn’t “keep up” with richer neighboring families.  Kids’ families belonged to yacht clubs and owned boats! This was unheard of to me. I was far from poor, but at the time it sure felt like it to my teenage self.

I was convinced if I wore the “right” clothes and looked the part, people would accept me. I babysat and worked after-school jobs. In the summer, I worked two jobs. I was an honors student. But rather than saving that money for the future, I spent my weekends trolling the mall, shopping for clothes. It was all about designer labels back in the eighties. Reebok sneakers and Jordache jeans.

At the local flea market one Saturday, I found a cheap Benetton sweatshirt. I was so proud of myself for finding this bargain. I thought “Benetton” emblazoned across my chest would buy me legitimacy. I wore it that Monday. A mean girl in one of my classes called it out for being a fake. A knockoff.  I felt like everyone could through me and my efforts.

It wasn’t really about the money or the clothes. I was convinced I was the ugliest girl on the planet. I had straight, flat hair that wouldn’t do anything, no matter how many curling irons I tried or perms. Then I got the Lemon Tree perm that ruined my life. I bleached my brown hair and tweezed my thick eyebrows nearly out of existence. I wanted to transform myself into someone entirely different. But when I looked in the mirror, it was still me looking back.

Looking back, I wasn’t seriously overweight. A little chunky, yes. Awkward, unathletic.  My father was an overweight kid and he didn’t want the same for me growing up. But his way of deterring me didn’t help. He’d comment on the portions of food I took and tell me I was “eating him out of house and home.”  I grew up feeling every forkful of food I ate was being scrutinized. He made pointed comments about my “thunder thighs.”

I was teased and I saw people around me being teased even more. I became quiet, wanting to be as inconspicuous as possible. I was convinced if people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me. When your father tells you in anger, “I have to love you because you are my daughter, but I don’t like you as a person,” you start to believe you are unlovable. We’ve all said things in anger that we regret and don’t mean. Unfortunately words can have a lasting impact.

I became slightly more confident in my junior and senior years of high school. I won some awards for my writing. I became a literary magazine editor. People noticed me. I had worth. While feeling good about myself, deep down I worried that my writing was the only thing good about me. Without my writing, I was nothing.

Boyfriends? Forget about it. I didn’t have my first kiss until 3 weeks into my first year away at college at a frat party. I’ve dated guys who I didn’t even like, or who were no good for me, because I didn’t feel I could do any better. I’ve slept with guys just to feel attractive and wanted.

After college, I moved back home and developed an eating disorder. I cut my calories down to nearly nothing a day, convincing myself the smaller I was the more attractive I was. I couldn’t get off the binging and purging roller coaster. My father put a lock on the freezer door so I wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night and eat his ice cream. I loathed myself for being out of control and unable to stave off the emotional and physical hunger I felt.

Years spent gaining and losing weight. Stepping on and off scales. Hating my body. Hating myself. Continue reading →

Hair I Am: Deal With It!

January 16, 2012 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , , 3 Comments

Here I am over the holidays a couple of weeks ago. I’m very overdue for a haircut/color. Fortunately, I’m in a good hair place right now. What does that mean? I have a haircut and color that I’m happy with and a stylist I feel good about to pull it off.

I don’t think I’ve seen my hair au naturel since my mother deemed me old enough to start hitting the hair salon in high school. Left to its own devices, my hair is brown, straight and fine.  I want more “oomph”.

My sister is blonde and I used to want to be too. When I first starting coloring my hair in my teens, I got highlights that grew lighter and lighter until my hair as a whole was a sort of ash blonde.

Thick brown eyebrows with ashy blonde hair weren’t working for me. I couldn’t stand how big they were. So I started tweezing my eyebrows, thinner and thinner until they were two pencil thin lines above my eyes. I’d sit with my magnifying mirror yanking out every errant hair, lying in wait for hairs to sprout up where they didn’t belong. Eventually the hairs stopped growing back. Now thicker brows are more in and my brows are a bit scraggly. So I wind up using a bit of powder to bring back what I tweezed out of existence. Ugh.

I grew bored with blonde hair and threw myself into the red hair color spectrum. Everything from auburn to copper to chestnut, and all of sorts of variations on these shades.  Other times I’d want to go more subtle, or close to my own color. Me, but better. Medium browns, reddish browns, golden browns. This often happened when I was broke and picking up a box from the drug store rather than going to the salon.  Once I made a mistake putting box color over highlights and wound up with black hair. Very black. I tried to convince myself I looked Goth and edgy. I didn’t.

I’ve never been afraid to experiment. For me, it’s a type of self-expression. Other than the black hair, the results haven’t been too horrifying. Hair grows back. Though I’m traumatized to this day by the follicular damage inflicted upon me when I was in high school. Do Lemon Tree Hair Salons still exist? If so, AVOID THEM. AT ALL COSTS. Do perms (body waves) even exist anymore for that matter? I was in high school when I went to the Lemon Tree for my wavy bob haircut. Wavy, not curly, I instructed her, showing her pictures cut out from Seventeen and other teen mags. The hairdresser proceeded to fry the hell out of my hair, cutting off far more of the frazzled ends than I originally wanted in an attempt at damage control. Instead of a wavy bob, I looked like a French poodle with a mullet. The frizzy curls were so tight I could barely run my fingers through them. I cried all weekend at my part time job, and slunk around my high school hallways feeling like everyone was staring at me. It took the school year to grow out. Continue reading →

Emotional Eating: The Holidays Stress Me Out

December 27, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

I know I should just keep it all in perspective. I want to be an entirely together person who says “ok, I’m just going to enjoy the holidays and not worry about what I eat.” I try not to go completely out of control like I used to do, scarfing down everything in sight like it’s my last meal before going back to watching what I eat. Fortunately, I don’t get those out-of-control urges so much anymore. Probably because I’m not stringent the way I used to be, because I want to be able to live my life without feeling deprived. Overall, I’ve found a pretty good sense of balance.

Deep down, I know it’s the holidays, rather than the food, that’s been getting to me. Complicated family relationships, money worries. Obligations I can’t get out of. I find myself wanting to fast forward to the New Year so I can breathe a sigh of relief. I feel like such a scrooge saying that.

I’m an emotional eater, which I’ve been doing a bit of lately. I’ve gotten a lot better at differentiating when I’m hungry and when I’m unhappy. During the holidays, it feels like it’s been one occasion after the next where I’m deciding “do I really want to eat this?” and “when am I going to cut myself off?” The holidays are stressing me out and everywhere I turn are Christmas cookies and boxes of chocolates waiting to be eaten.

When I’m using food for “comfort,” the food isn’t nourishing or celebratory, but a crutch. And provides fleeting relief. And then I feel guilty. For eating food I’m not even enjoying because I can taste the sadness and resentment in every bite. And more of it that I really want or need. Continue reading →

Do Plus Size Women Really Need Their Own Dating Website? America’s Next Top Model Winner Whitney Thompson Says Yes. I Beg to Differ.

December 14, 2011 By in Friends, Family and Romance, Speak Out Against This! Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Plus size model and 2008 winner of “America’s Next Top Model” Whitney Thompson says she had too many problems dating online. When she told guys she was a plus size model, they were turned off by what they imagined her size to be and didn’t want to date her. When she said she was a model, they’d be disappointed she wasn’t thinner when they saw her in person. Her solution? A new online dating website she started called “The Big and the Beautiful,” which is geared towards plus size women and the men that want to date them. Call me skeptical.

Challenges of Online Dating for the Larger Girl. I did a lot of online dating before I met my husband Ted on Match.com. I can see Whitney’s point about the challenges of dating online. I remember clicking through profile after profile and becoming frustrated that men didn’t click off “curvy” or “a few extra pounds” as types of women they’d be willing to date. Their loss, I’d grumble, as I continued to scroll and click. You also post pictures which put a face to the profile. I had several (recent) pictures posted (face and body).  Still, I had a few guys who asked me for even more (full body shots, in particular). I got the impression they wanted a few more “views” of me before deciding whether my size was palatable to them. I decided that if they were that superficial, I couldn’t be bothered. There are great men out there, who sometimes seem well hidden. You just have to be willing to bide your time and not take any crap. I don’t know what types of pictures Whitney posted when she was online. If you look at any of her pictures, she’s gorgeous. On the flip side, I met less-than-honest guys who looked nothing like their own pictures. It’s all part of the fun and excitement of online dating.

Should Plus Size Women Be Hiding Out in Cyberspace? But Whitney’s website ignores the much larger issue that there are guys out there who are interested in the woman herself, and don’t limit themselves to women of a certain body type. Which is a lot healthier, and the type of guy we should be looking for. Body type isn’t and shouldn’t be their first and foremost criteria. Love and compatibility is a lot more complex than that. Which should be obvious. I don’t think you are going to find those types of less rigid men joining The Big and Beautiful. The website objectifies women, implying that their most important “date-ability” factor is their body shape and size. In a way her website is saying to come and hide out on it, because you aren’t going to get anywhere on the mainstream dating sites. I personally would resent being marginalized in such an insular community. By participating on such sites, we are condoning bad behavior.

A Chubby Chasers’ Playground? I know Whitney has done other things to promote positive women’s body images and health. But here I think she gets it wrong. You are going to get men on this website who either: a) fetishize larger women; or b) think the women have low self esteem and fewer prospects—thus, making them easier “marks.” Continue reading →

Can Fat People Get Dates? New Study Calculates Their Chances.

October 10, 2011 By in Friends, Family and Romance Tags: , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

How much of a role does weight play in men and women choosing their potential mate? If you are worried about how your weight affects your chances at attracting someone, there’s a crazy new study available to help you calculate your chances.

It’s good to see scholars are putting their education and intellect to such worthwhile and well-reasoned pursuits. Columbia University researcher and economist Pierre-Andre Chiappori recently came out with a study titled “Fatter Attraction: Anthropometric and Socioeconomic Matching on the Marriage Market.” In this study, he has created an actual mathematical formula measuring how important weight is, and what heavier men and women need to do to compensate for those extra pounds.

How does this balancing act work? Men’s “worth” is dependent on a sliding scale considering weight and earnings. According to Chiappori, women will overlook men’s extra girth if they make more money.

Chiappori measures a man’s BMI up against his salary. For every 10 percent increase in a man’s BMI, he must increase his salary by 2 percent to compete in the same dating pool.

No raise on the horizon? A man best be hitting the gym if he wants to score the type of women he’s accustomed to. Of course, hitting the gym may result in him shedding fat and gaining muscle, which weighs more than fat. His BMI will then go up and he’s shot himself in the foot. Does Chiappori take stock options into consideration? With the flagging real estate market, should men be taking a few extra laps around the track? Continue reading →

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