Category Archives: Fashion and Clothes

Should Working Women Over 40 Cut Their Hair?

August 27, 2012 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , 1 Comment

Listen up, long-haired ladies over 40. If you are looking for a job, or have a job and want to keep it, you best be getting yourselves to the hair salon immediately. Accordingly to a mean-spirited and small-minded article written by Vivia Chen of The Careerist, your messy, untidy hair not only makes you look bad, but is “playing havoc” with your career. And if your hair is blonde to boot, you are “sad and dated” and “trying to rechannel Joni Mitchell in her heyday.” She calls out Hillary Clinton’s hair, which says has been letting her hair grow like “an unruly potted plant” and thus looks “haggard and rumpled.”

Ms. Chen cites an unnamed California entertainment lawyer in support of her view that an older woman’s “mature facial features” don’t jive with “youthful” long hair. She ends by saying that maybe even younger women shouldn’t take the “risk” of having longer hair and having it look messy.

First off, I’m a lawyer in New York. While I was in law school, I worked as a paralegal full-time and went to school at night. I had long hair. Though I saw plenty of women with long hair in the workplace with long hair, when I started interviewing for jobs, I cut mine off. It killed me to do it. And in interviewing and eventually finding a job, I found that plenty of women—old and young —had long hair. I regretted my decision. My hair is a bit longer now, and I’m turning 41 next month (ugh!). It’s also dyed red. I’m sure Ms. Chen would have a field day with that as well. Too bright, too loud. A family member said that to me once, I ignored her unsolicited advice. I’m comfortable with myself and my appearance and no one is going to tell me what I can do with it. Maybe because I am older now, I feel more secure and less inclined to be pushed around.

Obviously, I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to look appropriate in the workplace. But I think there comes a point when you start becoming misogynistic and infringing on a woman’s personal autonomy. Continue reading →

When Retail Therapy Fails To Cure What Ails You

March 18, 2012 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , 1 Comment

See that gorgeous Key West sunset. I wish I was there again.

I’m sick. I think a vacation would do me good. With no plans on the horizon, at least the warmer weather is coming.

This time of year, I start to get pumped. I want to fast forward through March, and into April and May and the warmer weather. I’ve never been a fall/winter girl. I can honestly say I wouldn’t miss the change of seasons or snow at all.

We’ve had a relatively mild winter here in NYC this year. Still, I’m counting the days until I can sport little dresses with bare legs and sandals.  I love the casual ease and comfort.

The temperature here has been inching up. I can’t say the same for my office, which is generally a zillion degrees colder than outside. But I’m hopeful.

I’ve been trying to encourage the warm weather along by doing some spring/summer clothes shopping. Unfortunately, this has proven to be frustrating so far.

First, I tried to shop online. Confession: if I could, I would do all of my shopping online. You can compare prices and items, search for coupon codes, all from the ease of your home (or work, or wherever).  I even do grocery shopping online. This frees up time to do other things. When I’m working a lot (which I still am, sigh) it can be such a help. Plus, you can often find a bigger selection than what’s in the stores, particularly when you are an odd size.

I’m an odd size, I’ve discovered.  I wasn’t always, but apparently right now I’m some sort of limbo. I don’t fit in. In terms of shoes, I’m mostly a 6.5 wide. Which is tough to find.  Most stores carry no or very few wide width shoes. So I often order them online. But the last time I did, I found one pair was too narrow, while another was falling off my feet. So I had to mail them back. When I went to Easy Spirit next to my office, I wound up with one pair of regular width and another of width width. So you just don’t know. Continue reading →

Interview With Plus Size Model Sara Alloy-Part 2

September 22, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Photographer Roberto Ligresti, Makeup Rene Court

I’m back with the smart and beautiful plus size model Sara Alloy, who was nice enough to talk to me about modeling, body image and all sorts of things. Without further ado…..

Let’s talk a bit more about the plus size modeling industry. What advice do you give to aspiring models?

If somebody writes to me, I say I’m not an agent, and it’s completely subjective so it’s hard for to say. I could say “you’re beautiful” and they could go to an agency and get turned down, so my opinion is only worth so much. I ask them how tall they are and what their measurements are and let them know the basic requirements. If they’re 5’9″, that’s a great starting point. Next I say that it’s important how proportionate you are. The taller you are the bigger you can be. So if you’re 5’11” being a size 16 or 18 is more acceptable. If you’re 5’8″ or 5’9″  they want you to be a 12 or a 14. I tell them examples of the type of work I’ve done and expect to do. A lot of them get the wrong idea from shows like America’s Next Top Model as to what you can do.

Where do you tell them the most opportunities are?

Mostly print and web work, some editorials. There are very few runway shows for us these days, which is why Full Figured Fashion Week is so great.

I went to Full Figured Fashion Week and one of the retailers there was talking about how they would use smaller size women and then pin the clothing in the back to make it look like it fits. Have you seen that?

Absolutely. They want to show the clothes as fitting who will be wearing the clothes. Sometimes they can’t get a sample that will fit the model, so they will pin the clothes. I don’t think pinning is as controversial as padding to size up.

Women at Full Figured Fashion Week said that they had done research and plus size consumers don’t want to see plus size models that look like them. Instead they want to see smaller models that give them something to aspire towards. Would you like to comment on that?

I think most women idealize a slightly smaller size, whether or not they admit it. I might be a size 14, but often times I’m shopping where the models are much smaller. Naturally you envision yourself reflecting what you see in the advertising. I’m putting on my advertising hat when I’m speaking like this, but honestly, what they are doing is good marketing. You are ultimately selling people a dream. Even if you are comfortable with who you are, it’s so drilled into our heads that we should be thinner than we are that when you go shopping you automatically look at a mannequin or model and see yourself reflected in whatever advertising you’re looking at.

So do you think that a size 20 wants to see a size 20 or that a size 20 would rather see a size 16 or 18?

They say they want to see a size 20 but honestly every time they try to use a size 20 or other bigger sizes they don’t sell the clothes. If a company books a size 18 model and the clothes aren’t selling, they aren’t going to book the model again. I’d like to see more diverse models used, but the retailers aren’t going to respond to what customers say, they’re going to respond to what their sales say. As consumers we all need to be better about voting with our dollars.

What do you think would change that?

I think the shoot Steven Meisel did for Vogue Italia was very helpful. Rosie Mercado who was the face of Full Figured Fashion Week 2 years ago, she’s larger but she’s so beautiful. She’s tall and carries herself with such confidence that clothes look great on her. They could use someone like her, and have Steven Meisel shoot her and put her in a high fashion spread and show that ideal of beauty.

Do you think the change will come from retailers or designers or consumers improving their body image so they want to see models that look like them or a combination?

I think it’s a combination because on the one hand you have imagery drilled in our heads from the time we are little girls, you’re seeing the actresses on TV from  the time you start watching it, you’re seeing them in magazines, you are being told everywhere that you need to be a certain way. So that is a problem, that girls are being bombarded. We’re conditioned to think that skinny is beautiful.

On top of that designers don’t cut clothes for bigger girls. Agents won’t book bigger girls so it seems as if they feel it’s a waste of time to put bigger girls on their boards. So there are no bigger girls to shoot campaigns should they decide to use bigger girls. It’s a cyclical thing. Continue reading →

Interview With Plus Size Model Sara Alloy-Part 1

September 18, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Photographer and Makeup by Nikki Gomez

I had the pleasure of interviewing plus size model Sara Alloy. She has been modeling for about four years, and is currently signed with IPM Model Management.

How did you get started modeling?

When I was in college (I went to the University of Michigan,) local businesses near campus were advertising for models so I applied in the store and was hired. Then I posted some pictures on a website called Model Mayhem and started networking with models I recognized. They told me that the first thing you do is move to NY. I’m from Ohio but had been to NY many times before to visit. My boyfriend is from this area so it worked out really well.

What kind of modeling do you mainly do? Do you feel like opportunities are expanding?  Is it tight right now because of the economy like everything else is?

I do mostly print, online website stuff, a little catalog. There are a lot more opportunities than there used to be. A lot more brands are taking plus size consumers into account and hiring plus size models to support their new brands. They are expanding their sizes. The Limited just announced that they are launching a whole new plus size division. Stuff like that is happening all the time. There are more opportunities but because of the economy they aren’t hiring as much.

Who have you done work for? I saw your spread in Glamour Magazine.

I just shot a great new campaign for a brand called F3; the designers are a cool couple of girls from Canada. I also did a cover and editorial for Daily Venus Diva Magazine. Glamour Magazine. I did a lookbook for Abby Z, they were one of the first jobs I did in New York, so that was really nice. There are always castings in the works. You’ll be in consideration but you don’t know until last minute. So you might be on hold for ten jobs but only wind up doing one of them.

Is your day job cooperative?

They are really supportive. They think it’s really exciting that I model.  Recently my boss even asked me if I need time off. I have a job where they try to be really supportive of the work/life balance.

Who would you love to work for who you haven’t worked for yet?

My dream client would be to work for Anthropologie, but they only carry up to a size 14/16 so they don’t use plus size models in their spreads. I’d love to do a makeup line. I would love to work for Lane Bryant or Hips and Curves lingerie out in California. I’ve done a lot of smaller local work; it’d be nice to do national brands. I was on hold a national jeans brand at one point, I’d love to get back in front of them and do a campaign.

Where do you shop yourself?

Forever 21. H&M. Department stores. Banana Republic.

What types of plus clothing would you like to see more of?

I think overall designers are getting better, especially in last year or two. You see a lot more trendy stuff. I’d really like to see the high fashion stuff that you see on the runways. I’d love to see them size their clothing up. I could totally wear the clothing if they’d cut it a little differently and take into consideration some of the plus size consumer’s areas of concern. It would be really nice to wear more trendy stuff. I don’t want to wait three seasons to wait for someone to make a knockoff of Roberto Cavalli.

We are talking about plus size models but it would be a good idea to define what that is. What does the industry describe it as and what would you personally define it as?

That’s a good question because there’s a lot of controversy about it. Traditionally the sample size for a plus size model is a size 12/14; nowadays you’ll see a model as small as a size 8. It’s really common to see a straight size model go away for a season and come back as a plus size model and they will only have gained a couple of inches. You usually have to be between 5’8” and 5’9”, have good skin, good teeth, be photogenic and comfortable in front of the camera, and know how to pose. There’s no real difference between a plus size model and a straight size model except that we are a couple of sizes bigger.

What is the higher end size of a plus size model that you’ll see?

Most agencies wouldn’t put a model on the board larger than a size 18, and that might be pushing it. That would be a smaller boutique willing to take a chance. Some modeling agencies won’t go past 16.

Where do you fall in that range, if you feel comfortable saying? I see you and many models with their dimensions posted online.

I’m a 14 and 5’8″.  So fortunately I’m in the middle. You get comfortable talking about your numbers.

Have you ever been asked to gain or lose weight in order to get a job?

I haven’t been told to my face which doesn’t mean it hasn’t been said about me. Clients won’t necessarily tell you that’s the reason you didn’t get the job. I’m in the sample size so that’s pretty safe. You’ll hear about padding to size up.  There will be a size 10 or 12 girl and a client wants a size 14 or 16 so they’ll put padding on. They’ll want her face and look, but want to represent a bigger woman so they’ll just have her put on custom foam padding under her clothes.

I read about padding in Woman’s Wear Daily. Do you have any feelings or thoughts about that?

I think it’s unfortunate that they do that. There are so many beautiful plus size models that you should be able to find a girl with the size that you want with the look that you want, instead of saying “I only want to use so and so because she’s famous and I want her in my brand but she’s not a 16.”

I also read in the WWD article that some plus size models have been told to do things like eat cotton balls dipped in juice or eat a lot of salt to bloat up a bit or look a little bit bigger for shoots.

I haven’t heard of that. That’s really scary. Usually plus size models pride themselves on being healthy and engaging in healthy practices. I don’t know anyone who’s done that and I feel bad for the girls who are doing it if they are. Continue reading →

TLC’s Big Sexy-A TV Series Not to Be Missed!

August 31, 2011 By in Books and Media, Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 7 Comments

I waited for TLC’s three part Big Sexy series with a combination of hopeful excitement and trepidation. I loved the concept-five plus size, confident and intelligent women making their way in fashion inNew York City. On other hand, I worried about its honesty, and whether it would be an exploitative three ring circus like so many reality television shows. Happily, Big Sexy did not disappoint.

This show features five friends-plus size model Nikki Gomez, fashion stylist Leslie Medlik, makeup artist Audrey Curry, fashion designer Heather Roach and plus size model Tiffany Bank. I loved their vibrant personalities, strong voices, and their willingness to stand up and be heard.

New York City Fashion Week Show and Nightclub

In the first episode last night, the women attempted to go to a New York City nightclub after attending a fashion week show (in which they saw some emaciated models, but none that looked like Nikki and Tiffany. Tiffany approached a designer, told her she was a plus size model and asked if she would ever use a plus size model in her show. The designer’s hesitation and insincere “yes” was demonstrative of the bias that exists in the fashion industry.

Outside the nightclub, the women stand on line to get in, only to be pushed aside as they reach the front. The bouncer pulls thinner women from further down the line and lets them in for free. The women then watch as the bouncer confers with co-workers as to what to do with them. Finally, the bouncer deigned to allow the women to enter, subject to a 30 dollar cover change, stating that it was “club policy.”

There were a number of ways the women could have dealt with this situation. Being pushed aside and made to wait to see if you would even be allowed to enter is painful and embarrassing, particularly in front of a line of onlookers. Some women might have retreated from the situation by slinking off. Others might have paid the cover charge unhappily and tried to put the incident out of mind and enjoy the rest of their night. But the women realized the bouncer was the one who should be ashamed. They refused to be pushed around or mistreated. Instead, they told off the bouncer and left. That’s when I was hooked.

Adventures in Dating

The show also dealt with the issues of dating for plus size women honestly and realistically.

Speed Dating

The women decided to go speed dating for the first time. Speed dating, for the uninitiated, is where men and women talk for around eight minutesminutes, a whistle blows, they mark on their scorecards whether they are interested in each other, and move onto a new prospect. Afterwards, you find out who was interested in you. I’ve been speed dating. It’s a shallow and silly process.

Tiffany asks one of the men whether he’s ever dated a plus sized woman before. He admits he would only date a plus size woman when he is drunk. The conversation afterwards centers on the refusal of many men to date plus size women. Many men are embarrassed to be seen with a plus size woman. Some men view plus size women as an easier mark with fewer options. The women discuss how some of them have dated and stayed with men they weren’t into because they were worried they couldn’t find anyone better who would want them.

I’ve gone speed dating. It’s superficial and silly. The rejection can be brutal. I dated a few men in the past from speed dating who I turned out to have nothing in common with. What else can you expect in eight minutes, which allows someone to do little more than look you up and down?

I could completely relate to these women. In the past, I dated with guys I wasn’t happy with for far too long. I was afraid I couldn’t do better. I didn’t want to be alone. I remember things now, and think to myself “What the hell was I thinking?” When they broke up with me, I thought there was something wrong with me. Meanwhile, deep down I didn’t even want to be with them. Finding a show like this that is so honest and real is hard and great when it happens. Continue reading →

Curvy Models’ New Body-Friendly Business

July 2, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

I had the pleasure of meeting Shannon Hiett and Griselangel Paula, two smart and dynamic plus size models at the 2011 Full Figured Fashion Week’s Curves in the City Shopping Soiree. Shannon and Griselangel have combined their business acumen with their dedication to create CustomPLUS, an online customized clothing company.

Shannon Hiett and Griselangel Paula

Shannon has been involved in the plus community for three years as a fit model, informal model and print model with various clients, including Destination Maternity, David’s Bridal, Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s, Daphne Larger Sizes, SwimsuitsForAll.com, Tru Diva Designs, and many more.

Shannon met Griselangel during Queens Fashion Week and a fast friendship formed. Griselangel has modeled for numerous companies and designers such as Kmart, Plus Model Magazine, Rocawear, Baby Phat, Beyonce’s House of Dereon, Biflex and Applebottoms amongst many others. Griselangel is represented internationally throughout Africa, and North America.

The Figure-Flattering Clothes of CustomPLUS

Shannon and Griselangel created CustomPLUS in early 2011 after discussing their frustration with the lack of customizable plus size garments that didn’t cost more than straight size garments. They also wanted to create a business that coincided with their passion for the plus size industry. Because they are fuller figured women, they know how garments should fit and that style is a must. CustomPLUS garments are of substantial quality, figure flattering and can be worn daily!

CustomPLUS-A Fair and Forwarding-Thinking Business Model

The ingenuity of CustomPLUS is not simply its quality, well-made clothing with wide customization options. I was impressed by the equality in its(reasonable) pricing. As I have previously stated, a challenge and problem for plus size consumers is having to pay higher prices than straight size counterparts for the exact same clothing. At CustomPLUS, there is one price for each item, size notwithstanding. Continue reading →

The Pulse of the Plus Size Community

June 25, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes, Speak Out Against This! Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

 

During Full Figured Fashion Week, I attended the Pulse of the Plus Size Community Panel, which discussed the challenges, trends and future of the plus size community. It was hosted by comedienne Erica Watson. Panelists were Jill Hutchison, Publisher and General Manager for Sonsi.com, Katheryn Finney, founder of the TheBudgetFashionista.com and CEO of TBF Group, LLC, Madeline Figueroa-Jones, editor of PLUS Model Magazine, Jennene Biggins, Founder and CEO of Voluptuous Woman Company, and Leslie Medlik, who works for Re/Dress NYC.

The “Plus Size” Label

The definition of “plus size” is a fluid one. Some designers consider anything over a 10 or a 12 to be plus sized. Considering the “average sized” woman in the United States is a size 14, this label is misleading. Jill Hutchinson said she gets asked all the time “am I plus size”? She stressed that “plus size” is wrongfully given a negative connotation, and that you are what you are regardless of the label put on it.

The panel had a variety of opinions as to the labels put on the “plus size” woman. Leslie Medlik‘s opinion was not to sugarcoat it, a plus size woman is “fat” and women should take back the word proudly. Erica Watson too had problems with euphemisms, noting that a “curve” is often a “fat roll” and that there’s nothing wrong with that. Jill Hutchinson preferred to focus on terms that will make a woman comfortable with herself.  Madeline Figueroa-Jones stressed the community should be focusing on the real issues rather than words.

Too often people get so bogged down in nitpicking over words that the substance gets lost. While I believe in “telling it like it is,” I don’t see any benefit in trying to “take back” a word with negative connotations. Many weight-acceptance activists who do great work and have wisdom to impart call what they do “fat acceptance.” While I appreciate how they bring attention to important issues, personally I’d rather see derogatory terms and slurs eliminated rather than “redefined.”

Plus Size Models

Plus size designers frequently fail to use models that look like the female customers who will ultimately be wearing the clothes. Madeline Figueroa Jones asked a manufacturer why it didn’t use plus size models of color. The manufacturer’s response? Customers don’t respond to “bigger, darker” models. Their research was based on a study they did in 1998.

A woman from Catherine’s was in the audience. She asked her employer why they don’t use models truer to their customers’ body types. Catherine’s told her they conducted a study and determined customers wanted smaller size models that they could aspire to be like. The size of this focus group panel? Only 25 women.

Charging More for the Same Thing

Retailers often charge more for plus size offerings that are exactly the same as their regular size counterparts. Katheryn Finney listed the litany of excuses retailers give: pattern changes, different models required (which they often aren’t even using), more fabric, and less volume in sales. She stated that the solution is to “support those who support us.”

The woman from Catherine’s noted that Catherine’s charges more for their larger plus sizes. Ironically, Catherine’s sells more of these larger, more expensive clothes than the smaller plus sizes.

Considering the large number of plus size women in the United States, the excuse that there is no clothing market for them is a feeble one. A woman who works for Fashion Bug stressed that the buying power is definitely there. The problem is that manufacturers make unattractive, ill-fitting plus size clothes. Understandably, women don’t buy them.

Stefanie Cunningham of La’Grace International, who is launching a plus size bra line in Fall 2011 put it eloquently: “Bras are supposed to support, lift and fit, not bankrupt you.”

Katheryn Finney opined that success in high-end fashion offerings has a trickle-down effect to lower-priced offerings, and encouraged the audience to support high-end independent plus size designers. The panel as a whole noted that designers and retailers should work together to make plus size clothing more readily available and economically viable. Continue reading →

Ming Wang Knits-Quality Investment Clothing

June 25, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

 

While at the 2011 Full Figured Fashion Week’s Curves in the City Shopping Soiree, I found myself immediately gravitating to the jewel tones and beautiful prints of Ming Wang’s high end, activewear knits collection. As I examined the clothing on the racks, I was struck at how substantial and well-made their apparel was, in a versatile variety of lengths.  Ming Wang’s designers clearly know a women’s body. Their patterns, aside from their beauty, are intelligently designed to complement a woman’s figure.  For example, I love this black jacket (see above) from the Fall 2011 collection. Its vertical stripes elongate the body, while curved stripes on the upper torso draw the eye upward, flattering the shoulders. Next, I admired a black skirt that would enhance and skim the body’s curves without clinging. Ming Wang’s built-in slenderizer made of spandex in their pants allows for a sleek and comfortable fit.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Carolyn Wang, Merchandising Director of Ming Wang, who works out of their Dallas, Texas headquarters. Her mother-in-law, Ming Wang, emigrated from Taiwan to the United States in 1979, attended FIT, and designed for Adolfo, Lilli Ann, and Richtone New York before starting her own clothing lines. Carolyn herself is an FIT graduate, who worked as a designer for Ming Wang for four years before switching over to her current position.

Carolyn became committed not only to clothing design, but to designing for the fuller-figured woman when she was only fourteen years old. She grew up in an upstate New York blue-collar neighborhood, where her mother, who loved to sew, taught Carolyn to sew herself. When Carolyn’s cousin was getting married, Carolyn helped her mother shop for a dress for the wedding. Frustrated at the limited upstate New York offerings, Carolyn and her mother travelled to New York City to find a dress. Even in New York City, they had a horrible experience trying to find something that fit. Carolyn has designed clothing for her mother since then (lucky woman!). Continue reading →

NYC Full Figured Fashion Week Is On Its Way!

June 15, 2011 By in Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

2011 Full Figured Fashion Week is coming to New York City this week and I can’t wait!  Check out their website for a list of events. The events include a shopping soiree, panel on the pulse of the plus size community, and a runway fashion show.  Above is a picture of a beautiful dress from Igigi, who won best plus size fashion retailer at the 2010 Full Figured Fashion Week.

There is a dearth of fashion-forward plus size clothes out there. Designers who offer plus size clothing lines are in the minority. Retailers who used to offer plus size lines have discontinued their lines or shut down shop entirely. Other retailers offer smaller selections than  those for their “regular” sizes or offer their plus sized offerings exclusively online.

Much of the plus sized clothing out there is both unattractive and poor quality. Here are some examples after the jump: Continue reading →

The Heat Is On-Exposing Our “Bikini Bodies”

June 12, 2011 By in Body Image and Self Esteem, Fashion and Clothes Tags: , , 2 Comments

Summer is here again. Once again, we are bombarded with pressure
from all sides to get our bodies ready for bikinis. Celebrity bodies are brandished as shining examples of inspiration. Gyms run specials. Magazines publish articles promising you washboard abs with their fool-proof workout diets. We look for the magic bullet that will give quick results.

Remember Chia Pets? Not only are they fashionable household décor
anymore, but people were actually using the Chia seeds to try and lose weight. Conclusion by the experts—Chia seeds are meant to grow in ceramic planters, not used as weight loss devices.

No Bikinis For Me

I’ll admit straight up, I don’t do bikinis. Quite frankly, except for those women with freakishly lucky genes or a personal trainer on staff six hours a day and a personal chef seven days a week, I don’t see how it’s entirely possible. At least not for me. I wore a bikini, briefly, during the height of my eating disorder. I was taking in around 600-700 calories a day, and working out 6-7 days each week. And I couldn’t remember the last time I had gotten my period.

I went to an event at the beach with the hopes of talking to a guy I was interested in. I looked pretty good except for a small mound of a stomach that refused to go away no matter what I did. I wandered around the picnic area holding my stomach in as tightly as possible. He came over when I was sitting on my towel and I immediately folded my arms over the ever-present roll that so mortified me. After he left, I spread out on my back on my towel like a corpse, the position in which my stomach looked its flattest.

I’ve since gotten over the whole bikini thing. I think it’s too much pressure for women, and quite frankly our time, attention and money could be better spent. The media can be hypnotic and it’s easy to get caught up on the quest for the Bikini Body Holy Grail.

Exposing Our Body Parts

Beyond bathing suits, many of us woman have express criteria about which parts of their bodies that they are willing to expose to the world. Many of us refuse to wear sleeveless shirts. Absolutely not, they say, jiggling the self professed flab on their underarms. Other won’t wear shorts or skirts. Their legs are too pale, they have cellulite, they have thighs as big as tree trunks that rub against each other. Yet others wear loose t-shirts they tug away from their bodies to hide their “back fat” or “stomach rolls.” We measure our bodies in bits and pieces, deciding what parts can be viewed and which need to be hidden.

Trying To Cope

My means of coping has been gradual. I’ve always worn sleeveless shirts. I think there are so many cute ones out there and they keep me cool. I’ve got some underarm sagging going on, which I want to work on.  So I focus on how I like the shirt, how it flatters my cleavage, and avert my eyes from the parts of my arms I don’t like. I’d really like to feel good about them whether I get them toned or not. Same holds true for my blinding white legs. I’d like for them to be thinner and more muscular. But it’s hot out. And there’s nothing I like more than simply tossing on a summer dress with a pair of sandals. Again, I would still like to see the beauty in my legs more even before I try to improve them.  Or don’t improve them.

Baby Steps and Pushing Out of Your Comfort Zone

I took a step forward this past week. I went to Lord & Taylor, where
I had a gift certificate. I found two adorable Michael Kors sheaths, a bit above the knee, lined with a bit of stretch to them. I don’t normally do sheathes. I’m more of an A-line, empire waist or tank dress sort of girl.

The sheathes are fairly fitted, skimming the body but not skin-tight. I can see a bit of upper torso and stomach fat, which my husband told me is not there (but that’s his job). But overall they look pretty good. I’ve seen other woman my size or heavier wearing similar dresses and thinking they looked great. So I decided to push a bit outside of my usual comfort zone.

My point is this—obviously most of us aren’t going to immediately go out and purchase string bikinis (at the moment, I’m happy with my skirted swimdress, thank you very much). That could change. But I think it’s important, even as you try to make changes (or decide you don’t want to make changes) to try to like the way you look. I’m trying, though I’m not there yet. Try to push your boundaries. You might be pleasantly surprised.

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