Scared Skinny No More: The Book (And An Interview With Mary Dimino))

scared skinny

You may recall my interview with Mary Dimino, a comedienne I met at her show Scared Skinny: A One (Hundred Pound Lighter) Woman Show. If you haven’t seen it and/or read the interview, you should definitely check it out.

I’m now pleased to report that her much-anticipated book, Scared Skinny No More, is now available and has a five-star rating on Amazon! This fabulous book is equal parts entertaining and informative, with the combined wit and personality of Mary Dimino, and expertise of Dr. Brad Johnson, who has over 20 years of experience in the wellness and fitness field. This refreshing and easy to read book focuses on health and learning to love yourself, rather than numbers on a scale. Her interesting perspective is a must-read.

I had the pleasure of talking to Mary about her book. Read on to hear what she had to say about it. Continue reading

Project Runway, Ven Budhu, and Terri Herlihy: Body Shaming and Bullying At Its Worst

Project Runway is a long-time guilty pleasure of mine. But I was pretty shocked and upset by their recent episode airing the L’Oreal Paris Makeover My Friend Challenge.

In this episode, “real life” non-models were nominated by their friends for makeovers on the show. The Project Runway contestants were each assigned a woman to create an original outfit for.

Fun, right? Not so much for Terri Herlihy, hardworking working mom with three children who had the misfortune to be assigned to Ven Budhu.

Ven Budhu insulted and bullied Terri from the outset. Why? Because she is around a size fourteen. He complained about being arbitrarily assigned to her, actually suggesting that he was being deliberately sabotaged because it was harder to design for a “larger” woman.  He made rude and disparaging remarks about her body and “problem areas.” He said her before photo was a “nightmare.” Notably, Ven is not a small man himself. Which is not to put him down, one would think that maybe he would be able to identify with her.

At one point Ven had Terri in tears. I pictured myself as her. It could have been me. I’m around her size. I was really touched by her friend’s loyal support of her, as she described how selfless Terri was, how little time she takes for herself because she is so busy with work and her family. This was a rare opportunity to get something done for her. Instead, she got abused by an insensitive jerk on national television.

The purpose of this challenge was for designers to show they could work with real-life women of different shapes and sizes, as well as to listen to their clients and meet their wardrobe needs while incorporating their own fashion designer aesthetic. Clearly, Ven wasn’t up to the task. He tried to shift blame her for his failings, saying Terri had no style and a bad attitude. Terri requested pants, which were most conducive to her lifestyle and personal needs. Ven couldn’t manage that, saying his specialty was dresses. Project Runway contestants are supposed to accessorize their models and put together a complete look. Ven Budhu couldn’t be bothered doing that, instead leaving Terri without accessories or even shoes.

The outfit Ven created for Terri was ugly and uninspired. Despite that and his bad behavior, while Ven was in the bottom two, he wasn’t sent home. Viewers are furious. Continue reading

The “Curse” of Believing You’re Nothing But a Beautiful Woman: Who Is Samantha Brick?

Being beautiful is a hard cross to bear, says Samantha Brick. Brick wrote an article for The Daily Mail this past week lamenting the hardships she’s been forced to endure as a freakishly beautiful woman. The response has been a media onslaught of negative attention, with an unprecedented number of web hits and readers’ comments. So why are people hating Brick so much?

Brick’s Initial Article

The gist of Brick’s article is that her great beauty has led her to lead a simultaneously charmed and tortured life. On the one hand, all men want her, she suggests. Everywhere she goes, strange men pay for her taxis and trains, send her bottles of bubbly or present her with bouquets of flowers.

The rub, Brick claims, is that women hate her guts because of her looks. Other women are jealous and view her as a threat, dropping her as a friend and not letting her anywhere near their husbands. She provides a litany of examples from her life, from insecure female bosses who barred her from promotions, to friends who won’t let her near their husbands, to friends who won’t ask her to be a bridesmaid in their weddings.  Accompanying the approximately 1200 word article are seven photos of Brick. Check out a few more:

Readers were outraged. They hated Brick for being so arrogant and full of herself, and suggested her personality was the real reason women didn’t want to be around her. Women denied and were offended at the notion that women as a whole hate other women for being beautiful.

They also scrutinized the pictures of Brick and said. “Her? Really. She’s not all that.” The general consensus has been that she isn’t attractive enough to have had the experiences she’s claimed and that she’s not entitled to the self-important attitude she has. So people started trashing her looks, ripping her to shreds.

Jezebel.com suggests that Brick was set up by the Daily Mail to be a troll. By posting all of those pictures, the Daily Mail threw Brick to the vultures to tear apart her looks. Basically, they set Brick up to be called ugly. And those “jealous bitches”  (as Jezebel puts it) provide fodder for Brick’s argument and sidestep the real issue. Because there are different types of beauty. And whether or not you consider Brick to be attractive is not the point. She has every right to love herself and her appearance. She doesn’t have the right to make assumptions about what other people are thinking and assuming all other women hate her because of her appearance. Jezebel.com is right. This article brought out the worst in people.

Brick Lashes Back At Her Haters

Brick agreed that the negative public sentiment proved her theory. In a second article, she declared that:

While I’ve been shocked and hurt by the global condemnation, I have just this to say: my detractors have simply proven my point. Their anger underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman.

Our society encourages women to be humble, to eschew the idea that we might be beautiful and worthy of admiration just the way we are. I hate that. We need to be confident in and celebrate our appearances. Then again, there is a difference between confidence and cockiness. Arrogance and airs of superiority are obnoxious in both men and women. I say, love the shit out of yourself and your looks. But I draw the line when you start hating on other women. Or when you become obsessed with your appearance above all else.

The problem with Brick is, she thinks everything in life is attributable to how beautiful she believes people think she is. She subscribes to the notion that beauty trumps all of our other attributes and is at the forefront of our every thought and motivation. This diminishes women, which I have a huge problem with. And for all she talks of “sisterhood” and lamenting that women don’t support each other, by assuming we all think like her, she’s selling us all short. We’re not all that small-minded.

Brick Goes On British TV

Brick went on to make television appearances both in the U.K. and the U.S. Yesterday, she went on a British morning talk show which you can watch here. For the most part, she stuck to her story and was unapologetic. Watchers got a sense of just why people might really be eschewing her as she was slightly overbearing, and continuously cut off the psychologist guest and show’s hosts. She backpedaled a bit and admitted that the events she spoke of were stretched out over a long period of time. When asked if the treatment she described (both positive and negative) was perhaps not as pervasive as she originally made it out to be, she admitted that there were “shades of grey.”

When the host asked her if she thought she was beautiful, she wavered and said she believed in peoples’ “perception of her.” Meaning she believed people thought this of her, so she attributed it to herself. This hits home how invested Brick is in what other people think of her and how her esteem is attached to their opinions. She did rally later on to say that she believed herself to be beautiful and that in a room of ten men, all of them would find her attractive. Both the female psychologist and the female host firmly but respectfully told her that it’s not that she thinks she’s attractive that they had a problem with, but her assumption about them as women that they wouldn’t like her. When the psychologist suggested that maybe she was giving off an air of superiority that perpetually alienated her from other women, Brick summarily rejected that notion. The segment concluded with Brick reiterating she was happy she’d written the article and that her point had been proven.

Brick’s Appearance on the Today Show

Next, Brick appeared on the Today Show today and was interviewed by Ann Curry. Brick was slightly more subdued and Curry went on the offensive immediately. She asked Brick incredulously if she was serious. Curry said she assumed when she read the article that Brick was tongue in cheek but when she used “I” 60 times in the short piece, she thought that Brick was narcissistic. Brick, who previously claimed that women eschew her, now said she had a wonderful group of girlfriends and is a girl’s girls. This directly contrasts her idea that the “sisterhood” is judging her harshly and snubbing her. Not much was accomplished in this interview but to watch Curry try to make Brick look stupid and cower. I wasn’t impressed. At least with the British interview, there was a genuine attempt to understand Brick.

So who is Samantha Brick, Really?

According to her website and articles she’s written, Brick is a journalist with 20 years of television production experience. Currently, she’s a housewife in a small rural French village.

Her other articles on The Daily Mail are telling. It surprises me that her particularly brand of anti-feminist, backward way of thinking hasn’t gotten more attention before. Continue reading

TLC’s Big Sexy-A TV Series Not to Be Missed!

I waited for TLC’s three part Big Sexy series with a combination of hopeful excitement and trepidation. I loved the concept-five plus size, confident and intelligent women making their way in fashion inNew York City. On other hand, I worried about its honesty, and whether it would be an exploitative three ring circus like so many reality television shows. Happily, Big Sexy did not disappoint.

This show features five friends-plus size model Nikki Gomez, fashion stylist Leslie Medlik, makeup artist Audrey Curry, fashion designer Heather Roach and plus size model Tiffany Bank. I loved their vibrant personalities, strong voices, and their willingness to stand up and be heard.

New York City Fashion Week Show and Nightclub

In the first episode last night, the women attempted to go to a New York City nightclub after attending a fashion week show (in which they saw some emaciated models, but none that looked like Nikki and Tiffany. Tiffany approached a designer, told her she was a plus size model and asked if she would ever use a plus size model in her show. The designer’s hesitation and insincere “yes” was demonstrative of the bias that exists in the fashion industry.

Outside the nightclub, the women stand on line to get in, only to be pushed aside as they reach the front. The bouncer pulls thinner women from further down the line and lets them in for free. The women then watch as the bouncer confers with co-workers as to what to do with them. Finally, the bouncer deigned to allow the women to enter, subject to a 30 dollar cover change, stating that it was “club policy.”

There were a number of ways the women could have dealt with this situation. Being pushed aside and made to wait to see if you would even be allowed to enter is painful and embarrassing, particularly in front of a line of onlookers. Some women might have retreated from the situation by slinking off. Others might have paid the cover charge unhappily and tried to put the incident out of mind and enjoy the rest of their night. But the women realized the bouncer was the one who should be ashamed. They refused to be pushed around or mistreated. Instead, they told off the bouncer and left. That’s when I was hooked.

Adventures in Dating

The show also dealt with the issues of dating for plus size women honestly and realistically.

Speed Dating

The women decided to go speed dating for the first time. Speed dating, for the uninitiated, is where men and women talk for around eight minutesminutes, a whistle blows, they mark on their scorecards whether they are interested in each other, and move onto a new prospect. Afterwards, you find out who was interested in you. I’ve been speed dating. It’s a shallow and silly process.

Tiffany asks one of the men whether he’s ever dated a plus sized woman before. He admits he would only date a plus size woman when he is drunk. The conversation afterwards centers on the refusal of many men to date plus size women. Many men are embarrassed to be seen with a plus size woman. Some men view plus size women as an easier mark with fewer options. The women discuss how some of them have dated and stayed with men they weren’t into because they were worried they couldn’t find anyone better who would want them.

I’ve gone speed dating. It’s superficial and silly. The rejection can be brutal. I dated a few men in the past from speed dating who I turned out to have nothing in common with. What else can you expect in eight minutes, which allows someone to do little more than look you up and down?

I could completely relate to these women. In the past, I dated with guys I wasn’t happy with for far too long. I was afraid I couldn’t do better. I didn’t want to be alone. I remember things now, and think to myself “What the hell was I thinking?” When they broke up with me, I thought there was something wrong with me. Meanwhile, deep down I didn’t even want to be with them. Finding a show like this that is so honest and real is hard and great when it happens. Continue reading

Interview With Jenny Gardiner (Author of Slim to None)-Part 2

In Part 1 of my interview with Jenny Gardiner, we talked about her novel Slim to None and the body image issues the main character Abbie deals with.

During our conversation, we also spoke more broadly about body image issues. Jenny and I discussed how body image issues affect so many women and how hard it is for us all to deal with them.  As Jenny said herself:

Find me a female in the United States who doesn’t have body image issues. You could be tall, short, thin, fat, average, whatever and you’re not happy with what you have. This is certainly not helped along by our culture that promotes being emaciated, young and perfect. I think it’s even sadder when you see how women feel so paranoid about aging- – it’s hard to find women who aren’t having some sort of procedure done to stave off the process.

I live in a neighborhood with a lot of newly-retired couples and you’ll see these women you might have seen at the gym or at book club looking every one of their 55 years, and then they show up looking like The Joker from Batman with this weird uplifted pull on their mouths and a perpetually surprised look in their eyes because their faces have been pulled back from so much plastic surgery. When I see older actresses on screen looking their age I silently applaud their rejecting the pressures they must feel 100 times worse than your average woman to try to pretend they’re still young.

Cristina: Have you always had body image issues yourself and how have you dealt with them?

Jenny: When I was growing up there was SO much emphasis in my household on how I looked. My father would always warn/threaten me that if I wasn’t careful I was going to look like this aunt who was pretty overweight. It was dangled in front of me all the time (“you have such a pretty face,” the inference was I was going to be a fat ugly cow). And I was a very active, athletic, healthy kid growing up.

But I was always told I was pretty, and there wasn’t all this reinforcing going on about what was inside of me, rather the superficial me. I probably went to the other extreme with my kids and NEVER told them they were pretty or beautiful or handsome, rather emphasized what wonderful people they are. Perhaps I could’ve thrown in more of the “you’re pretty” stuff but I wanted to send the message that how you are in the inside matters far more than what you look like on the outside.

As far as how I’ve dealt with body image issues? God, in some ways that has been a defining thing for me, which is despicable, isn’t it? But one thing I have always known is I am happiest when I am in good physical shape. If I’m exercising daily and feel strong I’m a much happier person. If I’m in a pissy mood, all I need to do is exercise and get those endorphins flowing and I feel much better. This is something I’ve tried to instill in my kids as well.

Cristina: What do you say to your children about body image issues?

Jenny: I’ve actually been really overly conscientious with my kids (we have a boy and two girls) about this stuff. I had a roommate in college who–unbeknownst to me and her other friends–had an eating disorder that she ultimately died from, which was so damned tragic and needless. She was so fun and smart and clever and witty and here she was so obsessed with her body that she actually destroyed it. This was back in the early 80′s. We all knew enough about anorexia back then because of Karen Carpenter dying from it. But no one knew about bulimia which was what Annie had. As far as we knew, she ate just fine. But we didn’t know that she was taking laxatives and likely also throwing up much of what she ate as well. She binge-ate but we actually laughed about it because we had NO idea this was something indicative of a far deeper–and deadly–secret. It wasn’t till she dropped out of school that we found packages of laxatives underneath her bed and started learning the truth.

But because of this I have been downright obsessive in teaching my kids to be happy with their bodies and to practice moderation in their lives. Last time I looked no one ever died from moderation. We’ve worked hard to try to get our kids to eat as healthily as possible (though with three kids with very different eating habits I am convinced much of what people are inclined to want to eat is predetermined and I know you can’t force-feed someone vegetables!).

When my kids were little one of the girls was friends with a girl across the street who was 10 years old and whose mother was OBSESSED with her body. She had a fabulous one and she flaunted it. But she was always going on these cabbage soup diets and fixating on her pencil thin daughter being skinny–so much so that this child would only drink diet sodas and would join her mother on her frequent cabbage soup diets. The girl was emaciated yet was dieting. Ridiculous.

Losing Weight

Jenny and I also talked about body image in general. I told that I wanted to write about Slim to None for my blog because the weight loss and body image topics it deals with are a constant battle and fixation for so many women. Abbie’s story resonated with me and I felt it would with other readers.  We shared our mutual significant weight losses over the past year with each other (60 pounds for Jenny!)

Cristina: What inspired you to lose the weight?

Jenny: I guess it’s sort of ironic that I had hit a bad spot in my life just like Abbie, shortly after Slim to None was released [in 2010]. It seemed that just about everything was imploding in on me last year and on top of that, I’d been super unhappy with my weight for ages. When I turned 40 I was in great shape and felt terrific but then I had a succession of injuries that waylaid me and kept me from going to the gym and I got so fat (I HAVE to work out or I gain weight so easily). So over the course of several years I’d put on so much weight and just felt so trapped that way.

Cristina: How did you go about losing the weight? Continue reading

Interview With Jenny Gardiner (Author of Slim to None)-Part One

I was lucky enough to have the chance to talk to the smart and articulate author Jenny Gardiner about her great novel Slim to None, as well as to discuss body image issues, including her personal struggles and recent weight loss. You can get a sneak peak at the first chapter of Slim to None here.

Slim to None’s heroine Abbie Jennings is Manhattan’s restaurant critic, until her weight makes it impossible for her to visit the restaurants without being recognized. When she’s “outed” by a picture of herself in the New York Post, her editor puts her on a desk job and gives her six months to lose weight in order to get her job back. Abbie’s put in the unique position of eating for a living, then not eating for a living, in order to continue to eat for a living. She’s forced to deal with her own relationship with food, as a source of both pleasure and a way of dealing with her emotions.

Cristina: So what inspired you to write Slim to None?

Jenny: I wanted to write this novel for the same reason I wrote Sleeping With Ward Cleaver. I love to write about issues about which pretty much everyone has an opinion. I had enough conversations with married friends over the years to know that Ward would resonate with pretty much every woman who’d ever been in a relationship with a man for more than, oh, say, ten minutes. And I knew food issues and body image issues are something with which every woman struggles, no matter how entitled she is to have those issues (like no doubt Jennifer Anniston has these issues and she really ought not, ya know what I mean?!).

Cristina: As a fellow writer one of the things I most admired was how you presented with such grace a funny, engaging and likeable character dealing with so many life issues without making Abbie too whiny, depressed and feeling sorry for herself. How did you accomplish this?

Jenny: Thanks! I just wrote a character I’d like to hang out with. She’s flawed, but who isn’t it? She’s got a big heart, she wouldn’t hurt a fly, and she means well. She’s just lost her way in the woods, and I wanted to help her find her way out.

Cristina: Abbie tries to balance her love of food and the place it has had in her life with her need to be healthy, deal with her emotions, and find other things to replace food in her life.  What has she learned and how has she changed by the end of the novel?

Jenny: Abbie did what a lot of people do: she buried emotions in food for comfort’s sake. It became a habit for her. She really knew no other way. What she needed was this cattle prod to force her to wake up and figure out a better way to exist. She learned that food isn’t her salvation, although it can certainly be a source of pleasure. But she had to find happiness from within, and realized she had taken for granted, such as her relationship with her husband. And she sort of took herself for granted as well. By the end Abbie had found a much healthier balance in her life, to the point that what she thought was most important (her career) ended up not being all that important after all.

Cristina: Do you think Abbie would have lost weight if not for it being a requirement to save her job? Why do you think her job was so important to her?

Jenny: I fear she’d have slogged along just doing what she did. I mean, she lived a kind, understated fine-enough life but she was stagnant. I think her job was important to her because it was something she thought she had total control over. It was something she’d worked so hard to get and she thought it was the answer to her problems. Only it wasn’t. Continue reading

What If You Lost Half Your Body Weight Only To Be Traded In For Someone Twice Your Size?

What would you do if after losing half your body weight, your husband left you for a woman twice your size? In Stacey Ballis’ latest novel, Good Enough to Eat, main character Melanie Hoffman finds herself in this position. She gave up her long-hour, fast food-fueled attorney position to take care of her health, study nutrition and cooking, and open up a health food café only to find herself replaced by a larger model.

Melanie is forced to ask herself the question: What does it mean to finally become a “thin person”?  To those struggling with their weight, Melanie’s accomplishment appears to be the Holy Grail. Unfortunately, as I know all too well (and am still learning) through my own weight losses and subsequent gains, getting rid of the weight is just the beginning. Continue reading

U.K. Advertising Standards Authority Takes Stand Against Airbrushing

I recently wrote an article about airbrushing in the media and the unhealthy body image such doctored pictures promote for women.  Now the U.K’s Advertising Standards Authority has taken a hardline, banning  product ads of Julia Roberts for Lancome and Christy Turlington for Maybeline (both companies falling under the umbrella of L’Oreal). Check out the ads here, along with L’Oreal’s “justifications.”  Member of Parliament Jo Swinson stated that the “adverts were not representative of the results the products could achieve.”  In addition to L’Oreal’s mispresenting of the products, Swinson expressed her concern that such ads could lead to body image problems.

Entertainment Weekly did obtain a telling comment from Sharon A. Blinkoff, an attorney with Venable LLP who’s represented clients in the cosmetic industry for more than 20 years and sits on the board of directors of the Independent Cosmetics Manufacturers Association, giving her opinion that the United States Trade Commission wouldn’t have granted similar consumer protection:

“Under U.S. law, the question becomes whether a consumer acting reasonably would be in some way misled and believe that the product would do things that it doesn’t in fact do. I think consumers are used to cosmetic companies taking some creative license with their presentation and generally know what foundation products do and what they don’t do. Our regulatory agencies recognize the ‘sophistication’ of the American consumer…There’s also the notion that these are not very high-ticket items: consumers can judge for themselves whether they’re satisfied, and if they’re not satisfied, they won’t buy it again…. Even the lighting that you use when you take a photo of a model will sometimes change the appearance. Are we now gonna say everybody has to be put under standard lighting, so that we make sure that there’s no deviation? Instead of having beauty shots, we’ll have mug shots. Consumers like the aspirational characteristics of these photographs. They know that they’re not gonna become a Julia Roberts.” Continue reading

Pro-Anorexia Blogs and Body Positive Blogs: Equating The Two is Simply Idiotic

Are body positive photo blogs actually positive? Websites and blogs such as Refinery 29 and iVillage have been abuzz about this issue. Here’s a picture from Curve Appeal, a body-positive blog that allows readers of all shapes and sizes to post pictures of themselves  to celebrate their beauty, showing what “real women” look like, with all of their non-airbrushed curves:

The young woman in the picture comments on her photo as follows:

I’m Kayla, I’m 5’6” and I’m a size 12-14 US. It wasn’t until a year after graduating high school that I realized I’m never going to be a size 4 and honestly, I couldn’t be love my curves more. They make me feel unique and beautiful. I love my hips, butt, and legs. I choose not to weigh myself because I don’t want to know. I wear what I think looks good on me and that’s all I care about.

Here’s another photo from Stop Hating Your Body:

The 18 year old woman in the picture has this to say:

Ever since i got into Middle school i could never accept my body. either i was too fat or what not. I used to be made fun of for my weight, and i struggled a lot with it. I didn’t like wearing bikinis, i didn’t like eating in front of people, i was just embarrassed about my body. I could never accept it till now. I just graduated high school, and when i look at myself in the mirror i see a beautiful person. I mean i am a little curvy, but i accept it now. Many years of fighting my body image, i now realize that my body is beautiful, and i am a strong person. No one can bring me down. I love the way i am. At one point i thought no guys would love me cause the way i look. but guys tell me my body is sexy. and they love it. I was so afraid of myself that i didn’t open up to guys, so i basically blamed them for something i was doing to myself. I LOVE WHO I AM. i am beautiful inside and out. No one is going to change me. respect your body. be healthy and love who you are. If you love yourself and let go of all the negative, then you can accept yourself.

I’m touched and inspired by these womens’ words. I applaud their bravery and willingness to open themselves up, show what they’ve been through and where they are now. Realizing you are struggling with the same issues as others have worked or are working through can make you feel less alone. When I had an eating disorder, part of my treatment was group therapy. Sharing our stories and encouraging each other was a pivotal part of my recovery. Continue reading

Photoshopping: Acceptable Art or Promotion of Unhealthy Body Images?

The media has been buzzing lately about the AMA’s new policy speaking out against advertiser’s heavily photoshopped images that distort model’s body images.  I believe (as does the AMA) that young girls see these unrealistic images and believe these models are something to aspire towards.  The AMA has stated that these pictures contribute to eating disorders and other health problems in children and adolescents.  Likewise, The Girl Scouts are launching a campaign called Healthy MEdia: Commission for Positive Images of Women and Girls to work with media leaders to address this issue.

I read an article in the Huffington Post today discussing in part a French proposal to require the publishers of enhanced images to provide a warning label or risk fines.  Photographers on the other hand say that their artistic freedom should not be hindered for any reason.

As a writer, I’m all for artistic freedom. But I think that passing off these images of women as being the real thing and normal and healthy is irresponsible. There is a line between art and commerce, and how the image is being used and represented.  When I’m writing fiction, I’m not trying to pass it off as nonfiction (I’ll leave that to James Frey).  I do think it could be a fine line to regulate.  What’s artistic vision and what’s straight-up misleading?  What’s fixing a blemish and what’s turning someone into a head on a stick? Continue reading

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