So apparently Skinny Minny Speed Dating is a “thing” now. You can check out the dating site here. Here’s how they describe this novel way to meet your soul-mate:
We all have relationship ‘deal-breakers’, and that does not make us shallow, we’re just single New Yorkers that know what we want and are attracted to. Obviously there is more to it than just height or size, but for many of us that initial “attraction” factor is at least a starting point.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average clothing size for adult women in the United States is a 14, making our upcoming ”Skinny Minny” night for svelte women size 0-8 anything but average. Guys, no need to worry about meeting a biggie-size chick “down-sizing” to an 8 like when you’re dating on-line. We’ll be checking labels at the door!
Not only do they check clothing labels at the door, but women have to wear their clothing size on their lapel all night. When OnSpeedingDating.com was contacted for comment, they explained they’re equal-opportunity shallow:
Co-founder, Amber Soletti, told MailOnline about the strict door policy for the ‘Skinny Minny’ event: ‘If [we get] any flack from women we explain that “fair is fair” and that our “Size Matters” Speed Dating event for women who want to date men 6’1″+ that we measure the men and confirm they are all tall enough to participate as well.’
Well, knowing they treat men like objects too makes me feel so much better. Maybe penis size will be next. Oh wait, they are planning an event for “hung” gay men, who are 7 inches +. I’m not sure how they are making sure the men are accurately representing themselves. Let’s take a moment to reflect on that one….
Ok, moving on. They’re also planning an event for women who are “stacked” for the “breast of intentioned men” (their term, not mine) who love big boobs. Finally, there’s “More to Love” speed dating for those women aren’t “Skinny Minnies.” All of these categories are making me weary.
A while back I wrote a post about the plus size dating website (The Big and the Beautiful) that a past America’s Next Top Model winner Whitney Thompson started. She claimed that there was a vetting process in place to be sure that men were sincere and not simply objectifying women. I also wrote about some of the less-than-desirable “matches” I received when I signed up for a free profile to check it out. I still get “hot prospects” sent to me. They’re just as bad as the ones I mentioned in my previous post.
Obviously, we’re all attracted to what we are attracted to. But when you start crushing people into such small boxes you’re only missing out on potential “good matches.” And by allowing men (or women) to pick you based on such limited criteria, you aren’t going to find someone who loves and appreciates you for who are as a whole.
Back when I was single, I did both speed dating and online dating. I actually met my husband on Match.com. As a larger woman, I waded through tons of profiles, looking for men who liked a woman who was “curvy”, “full-figured,” had “a few extra pounds” or other euphemisms for being well, not a skinny minny. It was frustrating. In addition to the men who checked off the boxes that matched my body type, I’d also be contacted by men who didn’t admit their willingness to date a larger woman in their profile. So some were more open than they thought or were willing to admit. Others simply weren’t interested. Their loss.
I had recent photos of myself and checked off the euphemisms correctly corresponding to my body size. Yet, there were men out there who would have the nerve to ask for another full-body picture. I get it, some women lie. They are afraid they won’t be given a chance. But men lie too. About their age, their height. I went out with men who looked nothing like their pictures. It’s a hazard of online dating. Then again, I know many women who have met their husbands online.
I’ve also gone up and down the clothing size charts over the years. So I’ve dated as a size 6, a size 16, a size 24. And I can tell you that I had good and bad experiences at each of those sizes. I had men who loved me and valued me for who I was, and men who treated me like garbage.
The problem was, I let some men treat me badly. I didn’t feel like I was worthy of being cared about. I felt like I was desperate, lucky to have someone who would stick by me. I didn’t think I could do any better. I just wanted to be loved. When you have low self-esteem, there are men who can sense that and they take advantage of it. There are men who have less respect for you, because you don’t respect yourself. And there are men who want to be with you, but you are too busy putting yourself down to be open to them.
It was when I got fed up with being treated badly that I met my husband Ted. I was in a place where I would rather be alone than be devalued. Then I was able to meet the love of my life. A man I could talk to, trust, and depend on. It wasn’t about body size. It was about shared interests, shared views, compatibility, caring and having fun together.
I’ve gone up and down in my weight during the time I’ve been with Ted. In retrospect, I realize I’ve done that with a few guys in the past and they didn’t care. They liked me either way. I think I was too busy hating myself and my body to realize they didn’t care. It took a combination of self-love and finding the right person to change my unhealthy dating pattern.
I know that Ted (my husband) loves me and is in for the long haul. We planned to get married in Key West. We’d booked the beach, the officiant, the restaurant for afterwards. Even the music and cake. Then I lost my job. I had health issues and couldn’t afford medical insurance. So we canceled the Key West wedding plans and got married in City Hall. Instead of sand between our toes, we went through a metal detector. Ted didn’t blink an eye. It didn’t matter to him. He just wanted me. We are all loveable and deserve that kind of devotion. It’s hard to find the right person. I didn’t think I ever would.
Ironically, maybe Skinny Minny dating isn’t a bad thing. If it even becomes a thing. This could be the case of a new, less-established speed dating company who is probably trying to think “outside of the box” to distinguish itself. If you check out their website, you’ll see they have dozens of superficial “categories” in the works–they’re trying to see whatever they can make stick. But whether it’s a shady speed dating company, or a shady model looking to cash in on her 15 minutes of fame to make a quick buck, let them do their thing. Because they’re actually doing us a service. By flushing out and exposing those people who are shallow, they are separating the partners we don’t want from the ones we do. Let them have their cheesy events and websites; we don’t need to be a part of it.
I just encourage, implore really, that we women realize that our worth isn’t tied to us being “More to Love” or “Skinny Minny.” Because wearing your clothing size on your lapel is a degrading way to meet someone, regardless of what that number is. For me, learning to love myself and not settle for less than what I deserved was the key. We are more than our body size. Don’t let anyone tell you or treat you otherwise.