Are You “Confident Enough” To Promote Positive Body Image?

I did a guest blog post for Girlfriendology last week about the ways we can help our friends improve their body image. Because friends don’t let friends hate their bodies! You can check out the article here. There’s lots of good ideas there. Go forth and read it and come back. I’ll wait.

One question that arose out of the article was “how can I help my friend if I’m not loving my body myself?” And “who am I to promote positive body image when my own self-esteem isn’t where I’d like it to be?”

These questions make sense. We all look for inspiration. Someone stronger and more secure than us that we can look up and aspire towards. Role models. Leaders.

I’ve wondered about this myself. Because while I’ve been complimented on the “work” I do to promote positive body image, I’m not entirely secure myself. I have times when I’m strong and confident and feel like I can kick the world’s collective ass. Figuratively speaking. Bring it on, I think to myself. Then again, on occasion I look in the mirror and am unable to stop myself from cringing.  Am I a fraud? I think to myself. Am I a hypocrite?

I don’t think so. Because I keep working hard and pushing my way through the bouts of insecurity and faltering self-love. All we can all do is try our best. Be honest and not give up. Try to say and do something that will mean something to ourselves and the people around us.

When you think about it, what’s the alternative? Wait until we feel like we have it completely together? Put off speaking out and working towards a good cause?  How do we know when we are “confident enough”?

To me, waiting until we feel like we have our brains perfectly straight is eerily analogous to waiting to accept ourselves until we lose those last ten pounds, or get into those pair of jeans we have tucked away. It’s not realizing our worth NOW.

You can make a difference to someone else’s self-esteem. You can speak out against negative messages hampering women’s positive body image. You have a voice. Use it. Don’t wait until you feel you’ve “earned” the right to speak. You have something to say. Demand to be heard.

There are so people that are just awesome, that make me want to be more . At the same time, their greatness doesn’t make me worth less. When you see someone you admire, try to learn from them. But at the same time, try to find in the leader in yourself.

Empowering yourself will not only help those around you, but will help you to appreciate yourself. Be there for your girlfriends. Be there for yourself. You’re “enough” already.

Stories of Substance: Body Image Round-Up

Love this post on Nourishing the Soul about aging gracefully, not getting so hung up on what your life was “supposed to be,” appreciating your life, and dreaming big for the future.

Beauty Redefined has great insights on why fitspiration isn’t so inspirational.

Jezebel gets it right on  why being mean to fat people is pointless and asking why kindness is becoming obsolete.

Are toy manufacturers “sexifying” girls’ toys? See the evidence on Adios Barbie here.

A must read. I’ve written one post and interviewed a plus size model about the use of models that look like the average consumer. Some have argued that we don’t really want to see models that look like us. But in Elle Canada, there’s an article about a new study out that debunks what some clothing retailers and designers have been claiming  And yes, race and age matter too us too.

Does the world really need a bikini hockey league? Fit and Feminist intelligently and rightfully rants here.

Just Say No To “Skinny Minny” Speed Dating

So apparently Skinny Minny Speed Dating is a “thing” now. You can check out the dating site here. Here’s how they describe this novel way to meet your soul-mate:

We all have relationship ‘deal-breakers’, and that does not make us shallow, we’re just single New Yorkers that know what we want and are attracted to. Obviously there is more to it than just height or size, but for many of us that initial “attraction” factor is at least a starting point.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average clothing size for adult women in the United States is a 14, making our upcoming ”Skinny Minny” night for svelte women size 0-8 anything but average. Guys, no need to worry about meeting a biggie-size chick “down-sizing” to an 8 like when you’re dating on-line. We’ll be checking labels at the door!

Not only do they check clothing labels at the door, but women have to wear their clothing size on their lapel all night. When OnSpeedingDating.com was contacted for comment, they explained they’re equal-opportunity shallow:

Co-founder, Amber Soletti, told MailOnline about the strict door policy for the ‘Skinny Minny’ event: ‘If [we get] any flack from women we explain that “fair is fair” and that our “Size Matters” Speed Dating event for women who want to date men 6’1″+ that we measure the men and confirm they are all tall enough to participate as well.’

Well, knowing they treat men like objects too makes me feel so much better. Maybe penis size will be next. Oh wait, they are planning an event for “hung” gay men, who are 7 inches +. I’m not sure how they are making sure the men are accurately representing themselves. Let’s take a moment to reflect on that one…. Continue reading

Stories of Substance: Body Image Round-Up

Good news! Conde Nast International issued a statement this week that no edition of Vogue (it has 19 editions worldwide) will work with models under 16 or who appear to have an eating disorder. Let’s hope this sends a message to the fashion industry. Read more here.

The newest body image activist? Kudos to Julia Bluhm, age 14 (no that’s not a typo) who organized an online petition  asking Seventeen Magazine to publish one un-photoshopped spread per month. At the time I signed the petition, nearly 46,000 people had already signed it. While Seventeen Magazine has agreed to meet the eighth grader (who even protested outside of Seventeen’s offices!), they haven’t agreed to the petition’s demands. Read more about it here. Julia is active with the SPARK Movement, which was organized to challenge sexualization of girls and women in the media and help girls develop healthy sexuality and self esteem. Imagine what we could do if we all speak out the way this teen is doing!

Is Victoria’s Secret’s advertising objectifying and dis-empowering women? We need to be conscious consumers. Very interesting research and paper done by Lexie Kite of Beauty Redefined here.

Do you come across pictures or stories in newspapers, magazines or television and shake your head? Alternatively, do you want to be able to speak out and let advertisers know when they are getting it right? A new iTunes application coming out called Body Image Voice lets you write about and rate images you see in the media and advertising. Personally, I can’t wait to check it out! Read more here .

I love finding new blogs to read! Fighting Anorexia is a wonderful, inspirational blog about recovering/staying recovered from eating disorders. Check out this wonderful post about reasons to fight for recovery here.

The Best Compliment You Can Give

Pay attention to the types of compliments you hear people give each other during the day. How many of them are based on appearance?  Like “I love your hair” and “Is that a new skirt?” and “You look so skinny!”

The first time I lost weight, I got a lot of compliments. I got them from people I barely knew, barely spoke to. A distant co-worker from another department. The elderly crossing guard I pass by on my daily walk to train every day even pulled me aside. It seemed like everyone was invested in how good I looked. I felt good, walked taller. Felt more confident, more beautiful. At the same time, I felt conspicuous, self-conscious, a little embarrassed. My body felt exposed, on display.

It made me nervous too. My new body was a precarious thing. I didn’t feel like it belonged to me entirely. It didn’t feel real. Then when I gained back the weight back, I wanted to hide. I felt ashamed, like I’d let people down. Like I was a fraud, a failure.

The second time I lost the weight, I wanted to do it in secret. I wore baggy clothes in bigger sizes for as long as I could. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the compliments. I wasn’t sure if I could do it, and I didn’t want my “failure” to be one for public consumption. Then I became emboldened and embraced it. The rush of compliments came. But people got used to my weight loss and the compliments stopped. I had some personal problems, I didn’t feel good about myself. I did a lot of emotional eating. I went out drinking a lot. The weight came back.

Now I’m trying to find a place that’s realistic. I’m focused on my health. I had knee problems and I had trouble walking. I wrote about it here. I care about how look, but more about how I feel. I’m 40 now. The last time I lost the weight I was doing it for appearances sake, to meet a guy. I was 30. Now I have a great husband who loves me regardless of my size. That helps a lot.

I’m working myself from the inside out. I’m trying to feel good about myself in ways that have nothing to do with my weight. I’m trying to make myself believe that no matter where I wind up this time, body-wise, that I like myself for reasons that having nothing to do with my reflection in the mirror. Continue reading

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