See that gorgeous Key West sunset. I wish I was there again.

I’m sick. I think a vacation would do me good. With no plans on the horizon, at least the warmer weather is coming.

This time of year, I start to get pumped. I want to fast forward through March, and into April and May and the warmer weather. I’ve never been a fall/winter girl. I can honestly say I wouldn’t miss the change of seasons or snow at all.

We’ve had a relatively mild winter here in NYC this year. Still, I’m counting the days until I can sport little dresses with bare legs and sandals.  I love the casual ease and comfort.

The temperature here has been inching up. I can’t say the same for my office, which is generally a zillion degrees colder than outside. But I’m hopeful.

I’ve been trying to encourage the warm weather along by doing some spring/summer clothes shopping. Unfortunately, this has proven to be frustrating so far.

First, I tried to shop online. Confession: if I could, I would do all of my shopping online. You can compare prices and items, search for coupon codes, all from the ease of your home (or work, or wherever).  I even do grocery shopping online. This frees up time to do other things. When I’m working a lot (which I still am, sigh) it can be such a help. Plus, you can often find a bigger selection than what’s in the stores, particularly when you are an odd size.

I’m an odd size, I’ve discovered.  I wasn’t always, but apparently right now I’m some sort of limbo. I don’t fit in. In terms of shoes, I’m mostly a 6.5 wide. Which is tough to find.  Most stores carry no or very few wide width shoes. So I often order them online. But the last time I did, I found one pair was too narrow, while another was falling off my feet. So I had to mail them back. When I went to Easy Spirit next to my office, I wound up with one pair of regular width and another of width width. So you just don’t know.

In ordering clothes online, I ran into the same problem.  I sometimes wear a 14, but sometimes a 14 is too tight. But then the 16 is almost always too big. I’m also 5’4” and need petite sizes for my pants (and petite dresses and skirts are highly preferable, though sometime I can get by.) Sometimes a 14w looks good, others it’s too baggy.

So I mailed my purchases back to Macys and 6pm.com. I actually got this Saturday off from work (miracle!) Though I haven’t been feeling well, I ventured out to TJ Maxx and Marshalls this weekend. Between the two stores, I must have tried on close to 40 things. Ugh. Even in person, I found sizing to be really inconsistent. I wound up with two cute Calvin Klein dresses, but it was a struggle. And FYI, there was another Calvin Klein dress a size smaller than what I got that was too big. Of course, even when things do fit, they aren’t necessarily flattering.

My first inclination then, is to beat myself up. If I could lose 5, 10 pounds maybe clothes would fit me better. If my body proportions conformed better, I’d have an easier time of it. Back when I had an eating disorder and I was a size 6, there was no end to the amazing clothes I could find. I love thrift stores. But it’s so much easier for smaller sizes. I could find one of everything and cheap! Conversely, when I was at my heaviest, I was just looking for something, anything, that would cover my body and fit me.

Tailors, people tell me. I know. My problem is I need to find where my body is going to stay put at. Because I hate to waste the money.  Plus the ones I’ve gone to haven’t done a very good job. I probably need to look harder, just as I need to look harder for clothes.

I’m going to have to do the legwork because the clothes are going to have to conform to me. I’m not conforming to them. There, I’ve thrown down the gauntlet. Designers aren’t even consistent in their sizing, when they claim to be. I would be chasing after a ghost.

I’m complaining now, but I’m sure I’ll have a good shopping day soon (when I can find the time). You know that type of day. When you can’t believe all the stuff you are finding and the question is more, can I really afford to buy this all? Do I really need it?

It’s early in the season too. More clothing options will come out along with the longer warmer days.  And I’m not feeling well, so that’s probably souring me to shopping at the moment. I’m feeling grumpy and lousy. I need a vacation in the sun.  And to look good and feel cute.

I was hoping for some therapeutic retail therapy. I did find a couple of cute dresses. I’ll feel better when I’m feeling better and it’s warm enough to wear them.

I think sometimes your body just fails you. I have all these things I want to do, and because I have time off from work, I feel like I should be doing them. So I pushed myself. And my body is pushing back.

So now I’m going to listen to my body. I’m going to curl up in bed with a good book. Better for my credit cards, anyway.

Done any good shopping lately?