This past weekend, I was thinking about my weight loss (up to 95 or so pounds) since the summer of 2010. I went shopping and bought jeans a size or two smaller than the ones I’d been wearing. I also picked up my engagement and wedding rings, which I’d had resized. Both rings had become loose on my finger and I was using ring guards, one of which broke a few weeks ago. So I finally decided to take the plunge, as the jeweler told me I was down two ring sizes. I was nervous because it felt so permanent. And these are my engagement and wedding rings, after all. I made a point of asking her whether my rings would be able to be resized if they got too tight again. She reassured me they could.
My weight loss was also on my mind because I went to the doctor for a physical a couple of weeks ago. He went over the results of my blood test with me line by line. Blood pressure-perfect. No more medication for me. Cholesterol-perfect. Lipos, good fats, bad fats, things he explained to me but I don’t remember what they were, all good. I should be taking Vitamin D. I can do that. I felt like I was receiving a perfect report card.
I can feel the changes. I have more energy. I can walk quickly up stairs without getting winded. I can zip down New York City streets, weaving around people to get to my destination quicker. I fit into train seats and restaurant booths without it being tight. I can sit Indian-style comfortably on the floor.
I write on this blog about body image and loving yourself no matter what size you are. In a way sometimes I’ve worried if my words were consistent with my weight loss efforts and taking joy in my newly found body and health. In part, I felt almost afraid to get excited. What if it doesn’t stick? If I regain weight, I still want to love and accept myself. Because I was worthy of love and acceptance before. For that reason, I felt guilty about feeling a twinge of excitement when looking at the scale, trying on my newly sized rings and new jeans. Looking at myself in the full length fitting room mirror and realizing I look thinner than I pictured myself. Continue reading