I received an interesting letter from a reader I thought was important to address. It was long, so I’ve shortened it slightly for blog-post purposes while capturing its spirit and main points.
[O]ne of the things that affects me when it comes to body positive blogs is that they are almost always centered on larger women being “real” women and shunning women who are very petite.
My body image issues…come from the other side of the spectrum. I’ve always been very small courtesy of genetics. A desire to be bigger and more “womanly” has frequently set the parameters for my sense of physical self-confidence. My self-esteem was affected by a desire to be larger and a loathing of my small body. I’ve spent many hours poking and prodding my body with revulsion… hoping that if I stared at the [mirror’s] reflection long enough…it would change and look more like a “real woman.”
When I feel bad about my body, I search for positive body image sites. Often, they are about showing off your curves, not believing the “unrealistic skinny ideal.” [I]don’t believe in the ideal, but don’t marginalize people like me and say it’s unrealistic for everyone. After visiting such sites, I’m left feeling worse.
[S]ites like this one have a far more positive approach but ignore the fact that many skinny women suffer negative self-esteem and have body image issues. [A] lot of women feel far more comfortable saying things like, “Oh God you’re so TINY, do you ever eat?” and believing that comments like that aren’t as hurtful as being told you’re larger.
[B]ody positive blogs act as though women like me don’t even exist or have issues…A skinny girl silently suffering who, when she finally calls out for help, is told to shut up because her problems aren’t real and because people like her will never have suffered as much as bigger women. One who is told that she wouldn’t have the problem if she just ate a burger. Well the joke’s on them. In a few months of teenage naivety I tried that fast-food diet. I didn’t gain an ounce, but my body hated it. Funny, isn’t it, that what is unhealthy for larger people is also unhealthy for smaller people?
But something has happened in the last year or so. Do a search now for “real women come in all shapes and sizes…” Places that acknowledge the struggles of and celebrate all women of all sizes…Seeing women my size who have shared my experience makes me realize that I am not alone, or a freak, and that I am certainly a woman. And it also shows me that women larger than me are equally beautiful and valuable.
I was happy this reader took the time to write in because she made me think. I do believe that women in all shapes and sizes suffer from body issues, and that they have the right to be heard. A family member of mine has always been thin, albeit not “too thin,” for which I always envied her. But over the past year she has been suffering from thyroid problems over the past year and has become very thin. I know she is self-conscious about it, and our family’s frequent words of concern, while spoken out of love, may make her feel worse. Continue reading
